Will make you crazy
That hasn’t been
Scientifically proven
But, trust me
It will
I went a little crazy anyway
After Chris died
He was my, uh, person
I guess I shouldn’t be drinking
While talking to an audience
But then again,
I haven’t been in front of an audience
Since the last time I did the ‘here are the exits’ speech
Back then, we didn’t even have to say
‘Turn off your cell phones’
God, I just said ‘back then’
And I was only referring to the 90’s
Holy shit
I’m not sure, exactly
What I’m supposed to tell you people
Am I supposed to go into the sordid details
Of my persona life
How I—got involved with a married actor
Only to have him die of that early 90’s disease
That plagued the theater community
Oh, only after he gave it to me, of course
Although I didn’t die from it like he did
I died of a gunshot wound
Self-inflicted?
None of your business
Do you want to hear all about the business side of things
How I allegedly brought the place close to financial ruin
Without telling anyone
So I could continue to live a lifestyle
Of pleasure and luxury
Only to leave for L.A.
After six seasons
Abandoning everyone
And creating a giant problem
That the next Artistic Director had to fix?
Or should I tell some sad, weepy story
About how I love theater
And as a kid I got bullied
Chased by a pack of thugs
Until one day I wandered into my high school auditorium
And found myself at an audition
For She Stoops to
Conquer?
I think I’ll pass
But because I’m here
Because I offered to come
In a form unlike the corpse
I now actually am
I guess I have to contribute something
So…
I won’t talk about my last day at the theater
That was pitiful
The Board wished me an official good-bye
And then I walked through an empty lobby
While all the actors in the company were at the pub
Toasting my departure
Believing that I’d lied to them
About the finances
About…
Most of them were just mad
Because we were doing A
Lie of the Mind
And they hadn’t gotten the roles they wanted
They were glad to see me go
Not a single one of them said good-bye
Hell, I’d fired all the ones
Who would have cared anyway
It was all so…unceremonious
But my first day!
My first day was…
Well, I was scared shitless
Pardon the expression
And as I was moving in
Sarah, the previous Artistic Director
Was cleaning out her office
She was very sick at that point
But still very nice
And she shook my hand
And we talked a little
About the theater
And the inevitable bumpy transition
And then she said—
‘Take care of them’
I thought I heard wrong
But she said it again
‘Take care of them’
The acting company
She really…
God, she really loved those people
I say ‘those people’
Because I got rid of most of them
Fired them
I could be a real asshole
When I wanted to be
Needless to say
I did not honor Sarah’s request
And they never let me forget
That every other AD
Had succeeded
Where I was failing
Everybody else had been tough and kind and supportive
And strict and talented
All at the same time
I was just Mr. Hollywood
All style, all bullshit
Pretty soon I stopped trying to care of them
And just tried to, I don’t know, control them
They were like kids
Children
Constantly wanting
Constantly needing things from me
That I couldn’t give
And it got to the point
Where I had to decide
If it was them
Or the theater
…I chose the theater
Did I choose right?
Well, the thing is—
That was my job
It was my job
To keep the theater running
Not keep the acting company happy
But…
But the theater didn’t give me a hug good-bye when I left,
did it?
No, it did not
It’s hard to say where you went wrong, you know?
Where exactly
The bad decision was made
It’s hard to say
Looking back
Every choice is so tangled up in another
All you see
Is one big mess
No comments:
Post a Comment