Sleuth

I get really pissed off sometimes, you know

Because everyone’s always, like

--I mean, I know I’m one of the junior company members

But I’d still like my privacy—

I mean, everybody talks

Obviously

Behind people’s backs

And whatever

But at a certain point

It starts to affect the work

And at that point

I would hope

That my Artistic Director

Or somebody

Would step in

And say ‘Guys, what you’re talking about

Is really none of your business

And please just try to stay professional, okay?’

I mean, I think that’s all it would take, you know?

But instead, I hear—

‘What’s the big deal?  It’s a theater.  Why can’t he just--?’

And I’m supposed to do what?

Say—‘Oh gosh, that hadn’t occurred to me!  That it would be that easy!’

Because clearly

All that’s on my mind

Is how other people would react

Clearly it’s not a personal thing at all

Clearly my family and my friends

None of whom are in this fucking acting company by the way

Would in any way have any opinions

Or feelings

About me, you know, doing that, and I mean—

We were doing Sleuth, okay?

This was last year

Last year, we were doing Sleuth

And it just got ridiculous

With the—

Because I guess…

One of the acting interns

Had a crush on me

Because the acting interns are always, you know

And they always have these ridiculous names

Like Miquel spelled with a ‘qu’

Or whatever

Where it seems like it should be Mee-quell

But it’s not

And so everyone says—

‘Wouldn’t it be cute—‘

And I’m going—

‘I’m not a fucking teddy bear!  It’s not my job to be cute for you, you fuckers!’

But obviously I don’t say that

I just try to keep doing my job

Because that’s all I’m there for

And that’s all that should be expected of me

That I do my job, you know?

I mean, what else do they want from me, really?

Everybody in this company

Thinks they have some kind of ownership

Over everybody else in the company

But it’s not true

This isn’t, like, the Russian mob, you know?

So no, I’m not going to address it

Or announce it

Or do anything

Except what I’ve been doing

And if that’s not good enough for everyone

Then maybe I don’t belong here

And if someone like me

Someone who’s…

If I don’t belong in this theater

Then I don’t know who does

I don’t know

Who else should be here

Who needs to be here

If not me

Okay?