What the Butler Saw

The last show at the Orpheus Theater

That I saw

While I was alive

Was What the Butler Saw

I remember thinking it dragged

Which is unfortunate

But that’s theater

Win some, lose some

I was the Artistic Director of the theater

For four years

And because of that

There is a plaque in the lobby

That has my name on it

And there’s a little plaque beneath the bench

That you can sit on

Even though nobody does

Because they think it’s a landmark or something

Beau, the theater’s founder, has a statue modeled after him

His wife, Beth, who ran the company after him, has the upstairs theater named after her

And Enrico, the crazy European who took over the theater for a season

And nearly destroyed the place

Has gone into legend

I, on the other hand, have just become a sort of footnote

I did well, I guess

I ran the theater as I saw fit

I made some good decisions

And some bad ones

But, I’d rather not talk about that

They don’t ask dead people to talk

So that we can lay all our regrets you

You just want to hear my thoughts

On the Orpheus

On the acing company

Well, I guess, since I always considered myself a story-teller

The best thing I can do

Is tell you a story

During the winter of 1987

The year I died

And was also, previously

Very sick with cancer

The town the theater’s in

Experienced the worst snowstorm

It had ever seen

In thirty years

I had to then make that grandiose decision

That all directors have to make at one time or another:

Does the show go on?

Being on the verge of death

And clinging to the belief

That some things are eternal

I said ‘Yes, the show goes on’

It went on all right

But not for an audience

Nobody showed up

There was eight feet of snow outside

The actors only got there

Because most of them had slept in the downstairs theater

The night before

When it started coming down

‘Well,’ I said, ‘I guess there isn’t going to be a show after all’

And they said—‘Oh yes, there is’

And they sat me down in the audience

And did the show for me

Just for me

And as a director, I have to say

It dragged in the second act

But nevertheless

It was an incredibly sweet gesture

That was the acting company

My acting company

They did an entire show

So their dying boss

Could enjoy herself

One last time

So even though it dragged

It was also my favorite moment

Of all the moments I had

At that the theater

Or in theater at all

You know, I started as an actress

I started as one of them

And then I sort of ascended into a higher position

And a lot of people didn’t like me for that

But I didn’t care

But of course I did

Like I said, I was an actress

People loving me was crucial to my being           

And when I became the Artistic Director

I had to make a lot of hard choices

And so by the time I was…uh, when I finished

I assumed everybody in the company

Hated me

And maybe some of them did

But, regardless of that

They still rallied for me

And I…

They were the finest group of people

I ever had the privilege

To know

And work with

That’s all I’ll say

But please, do me a favor

The next time you pass that bench

Have a seat

Okay?