Carrie's Plane Comforts Her

Carrie, you need to relax

I'm not going to crash

I've flown a hundred times
And I've never had any problems
My wings are sturdy
My engines are in good shape
And I barely need my pilot

Trust me, you're in good hands

...So to speak

You need to get over
This fear of flying

Do you want every vacation you take
To involve a train
Or a...bus

Sorry, I can barely get the word out

Why would you want to slum it
When you make perfectly good money
And it's now possible
To get to Mozambique and back
In less than twenty-four hours?

So what if you're nervous?

We live in the age of Ativan!

You have a computer, don't you?

Go online and order Tripsotech

It's this new drug
That calms anxiety
And raises libido at the same time

A women who flew on me last week
Was telling the guy next to her all about it

Then she pulled him into my bathroom
Made love to him for an hour
And fell asleep underneath one of the seats in first class

The poor thing was supposed to go to France
And wound up in Egypt

Do you know what happens to you
When you speak French in Cairo?

I don't think she'll be riding on me again

But that's all besides the point
The point is
You have to live life without fear

Carrie, I've been all over the world

I've seen mountain ranges
And river valleys
And casinos shaped like mountain ranges
And river valleys

It's miraculous out there, Carrie!

And you've been missing it all this time

But now you're a part of the world

Bravo!

By the way, I don't handle turbulence well
So if you feel me shaking uncontrollably
Or diving for the ground
Just know that's perfectly normal

It's just how I let out stress

By the way, if you did bring any pills
I'd take 'em now

I'm an older plane
And well--

My take-off ain't what it used to be