Dirty Men With Attractive Names

Shane never did the dishes

They lived together for two years

And he never

Not once

Did the dishes

He had the clichéd muscle shirt

With the stains down the front

He’d eat olives out of the jar

With his fingers

Her hands were dirty

And not from work either

Stacey was not the type

To judge a working man

For his hands

But Shane didn’t work

He was on disability

Because he was half-blind in one eye

And his dad knew somebody

In the disability office or wherever

So while she’d trek to work

At the county office everyday

He’d crack open a new jar of olives

And remind her that it was her turn

To do the dishes tonight

In Shane’s mind

Life was one long day

And the night before the endless day

He’d done the dishes

And cleaned the bathroom

And vacuumed the rug

And had been an all-around

Wonderful boyfriend

But today he was tired

‘Oh,’ he says, ‘And can you pick me up so more olives?’

. . . . .

It was his name that she liked

Shane

Strong

Attractive

With an edge

She was always a sucker

For a good name

And so her life became a parade

Of dirty men

With attractive names

But though the name held up

For the first few months

Eventually it started to wear wrong on the men

Like a label once the glue’s worn off

There was Shane

And before him Connor

Bryan with a ‘Y’

Will, Aidan, Nikolai

And Hunter

All lumps

That was the word

That best described them

These men

These men she finds herself with

Because she likes how they sound

Placed next to her

And her name

Stacey

Stacey and Aidan

Stacey and Hunter

Stacey and Bryan with a ‘Y’

She met a guy once

A nice guy

Named Bruce

But she couldn’t do it

She couldn’t date him

Stacey and Bruce?

She had an image of the two of them

Honeymooning in Gator World

Bruce had hairy knuckles

Bruce always wore suspenders

Bruce had the beginning of a gut

And he worked hard

And he spoke softly

And he held the door for her

On that first and last date

But Bruce didn’t excite her

It was the name

Bruce

Stacey and Bruce

She couldn’t do it

So she wound up with Nikolai

And he stole three grand from her checking account

And her car

And she was so embarrassed

That she had given him the code

And the keys

That she didn’t even report the incident

So often things like that happened

And she chalked them up as learning experiences

These men were learning experiences

Except clearly she wasn’t learning anything

Even the worst student

Will learn something after being kept back

Time and again

If only through osmosis

But Stacey found herself

In the same long day that Shane was in

Except not always with Shane

Sometimes instead of a man on a couch eating olives

It was a man in the bedroom with another woman

Or in the shower jerking off while thinking of the fourteen-year-old girl’s pictures

He’s downloaded onto Stacey’s laptop

Sometimes Stacey can’t leave for work

Because she’s got a bruise on the side of her face

And Hunter’s holding an ice pack to it

Saying he’s going to go to counseling

Honestly, truly

Starting tomorrow

Except there is no tomorrow

In an endless day

But at least Hunter used utensils

Which is more than she can say for Shane

Hunter had to be kicked out

And Shane will as well

So they have that in common

They’re stickers

When most are leavers

Most of the others left

Once they had gotten

What they needed from her

Shane will hang on forever

Until there’s nothing to left hang onto

Until Stacey is a dried-up husk

Slumped over a strainer

Full of clean dishes

Then Shane will crawl to another woman’s apartment

Roll onto her couch

And ask her not to forget

That he likes the stuffed green olives

Those are his favorite

. . . . .

Stacey goes to work

And checks her e-mail

Some of the men

Still correspond with her

Some ask for money

Some ask for naked pictures

Some ask to move back in

They miss her

They want her back

They see she’s not dead

Which means there must be more

To suck out of her

Her boss is out today

And so she can sit

And stare at a photo

Of her and Shane

Celebrating one year together

…At Gator World

Isn’t life funny?

Then, for no reason

She takes a piece of printer paper

And begins to write

Shelly

She writes

Amy

She writes

Autumn

And she keeps writing

And writing

Lovely names

Of women she’s not

And when she finishes

She’ll pick one

The one she likes the best

And that’s the woman

That will go home

Kick out Shane

Call Bruce

Apologize

And ask him

If he’d like to hear

Her new name