The Submarine From Tennessee

The submarine from Tennessee

Is going to take him past Atlantis

But only past, not in

He can’t afford Atlantis rent

Let alone property

A house, or a condo

As the sub goes by

He sees inside

Through the clear blue dome

Where people seem to be skipping to work

Walking pet fish

And spontaneously dancing with each other

For no reason at all

When it left Tennessee

The subway had passengers

And a small crew

Including an intern

Whose job it was to make sure

That they weren’t swallowed by a whale

‘These express subs,’ he’d say

Repeating the words spoken by the man

In the orientation video

‘These express subs,’ he’d say, ‘Are like swimming pork chops to most sperm whales.’

It never occurred to the intern

That no sperm whale in history

Has ever eaten a pork chop

The man who can’t afford Atlantis rent

Strums his guitar

And tries to come up with a song

That encapsulates his experience

Wife starts hallucinating

That she’s married to Willie Nelson

And tells him they need to get a divorce

Because Willie don’t like sharing his women

Then an earthquake sends North Carolina

To the bottom of the ocean

Which seems like a tragedy

Until it lands about a mile

From what turns out to be the No-Longer-Lost

City of Atlantis

‘Apparently,’ some guy said to his kid, ‘Atlantis has been hanging out underneath North Carolina this whole time.’

Then he shrugged

And went back to reading about a pig

Who could smell cancer

North Carolina needed major renovations

After being submerged in water

Not the least of which was a glass dome

Like the one that covered Atlantis

But unfortunately, funds were tight

So instead, they used recycled aluminum

Now when you were taking a submarine ride

From any of the new, picturesque seaside towns in Tennessee

You’d go deeper and deeper into the ocean

Until out of the blue you see what looks like a giant can of Sprite

And that’s when the captain comes over the speaker

And informs you

That you’re now allowed to smoke

And use illegal substances

As underwater law means no law at all

The man who can’t afford Atlantis rent

Looks across the aisle from him

At country superstar Carla Connors

And he wonders why she didn’t take

The first class sub

Where they feed you all the expensive fish

That get caught in the sub’s propellers

She sees him looking at her

And laughs to herself a little

Then she gets up, smiles at him

And heads to the bathroom

All the way in the back

The man whose wife left him for an imaginary Willie Nelson

Is about to join the mile deep club

. . . . .

After they’re done, they stick their hands out the wash hole

And feel the cool ,dense ocean water

Try to suck the fingers right off them

‘Hey,’ he says, ‘How do they keep the water from coming in through these holes?’

She gives him a peck, cups his balls and says ‘You fuck better than you think.’

He doesn’t know whether to take it

As a compliment or a question

So he just keeps washing his washing his hands

Enjoying the pressure of the ocean

As it tries to pull him through the hand holes

And clean the sex from him

Glad somebody wants me, he thinks

Even if it is an ocean

. . . . .

When North Carolina comes into view

He can already hear the dull roar

Of a submerged child

Gasping for air

Crime has risen state-wide

The formerly lovely beach communities

Are now pressed up against

Graphitized aluminum

And the beach sand

Has turned to mud

And dust

The people feel cold all the time

And choking on absolutely nothing

Is the leading cause of death

Carla is going to North Carolina

To visit a man she’s having an affair with

And that’s why she doesn’t take the nice subway

She and her lover will make love on the mud

That used to be beach sand

And when they’re so covered in muck

They can’t even see each other anymore

They’ll have succeeded at looking

As bad as they feel

Meanwhile, the man with the broken heart

Will visit his wife in the hospital

Where she’s been staying since the divorce

Tucked away under layers and layers

Of sharks and sand crabs and heavy water

Water so heavy

The aluminum walls are starting to cave in

…Or maybe that’s just everybody’s imagination

The man will say to his wife—

‘Honey, come home with me.

C’mon.  I’ll even spring for the nice sub

And we can go back home to Tennessee’

And his wife will pull her robe

Even tighter around her little body

That now has tattoos

On both arms

That say—‘Willie’

She’ll smile at her ex-husband

And outside, a sperm whale

Will ram itself directly into the Sprite can

Because, unbeknownst to all

Sperm whales very much enjoy Sprite

This action will cause create a small puncture wound

In the aluminum

And water will start to drip

Then seep, then drop

Then pour

Into the western part of North Carolina

But the man and his wife

And her husband, Willie Nelson

Don’t know about any of this

He asks her to come home

And she says—

‘But why would I do that?

I like it here.’