Father Frank at the Funeral

We are here today
To honor the life
Of a burly man

...Uh, sorry...

Brilliant, a brilliant man

You'll all have to bear with me
These are my old glasses
My new prescription is a bit stronger
But I broke the new glasses
During an Exorcism last week

Hahaha just a little joke

I left them on the seat of my car
And I sat on them
So I have to wear these
In the meantime

Luckily, I'm not totally blind
And if I were I could just
Put my hands on my face
And ta dah!

Haha another joke
Another joke

Uh, anyway--

Let's talk about Micky

Uh, Michael

I'm sorry

Isn't Mickey a nickname for Michael?

Well, it should be

Any two names
That start with the same three letters
Should be interchangeable

Mickey, Michael
Marty, Mark
Lena, Lenscrafters

It's all the same

Anyway, back to Microphone

He was a wonderful man, a demoted husband, and a floating father.  He just loved to float on his kids--all eighty-seven of them.

Wait, that might say fifty-four.  I apologize.

All fifty-four of those kids.

I don't seem to have the names here, but I bet at least seven of them are juniors.

It's always hard when a man is taken in the prime of his life.  Of course, Mighty Mouse was taken at the age of ninety-three, so nobody's really sobbing up a storm here, but still, it's not the best day any of us have had, I'm sure.

But he lived a full life

He was an avid sock-climber, a former jockey slayer, and a zombie violinist.

He loved dishing out some good coke.

I mean, jokes--sorry--jokes, he loved jokes.  Good jokes.

I'm sure he would have you all rolling in the aisles if he wasn't locked up in that casket.

You know, I've never been in one, but I would bet that it's pretty claustrophobic.

Thank God, old Mindy is dead, or he'd probably be banging on the lid, telling us to get him out.

Hahaha oh it's good to laugh when you're grieving.

Too bad the man of honor isn't here to lighten up the mood.

There's irony in that somewhere.

The important thing to remember is, uh, let's see I wrote this down, because I didn't want to--

Oh yes.

The important thing is that he's always with us, riding our carts.

Uh, residing--I mean--in our hearts.

Ahem.

I mean, amen.

Rest in peace, Missy.

Morty.

Whatever.

God bless.