The Lemmings Discuss Individualism

“So we’re just supposed to go over the cliff?”
“Yup.”

“Um—“
“See how Barry’s about to go over the cliff?”
“Yeah.”
“That’s what we’re going to do.”
“Okay, but—“
“You know how to jump off a cliff, right?”
“Well, yeah, but—“
“Just go right over it.  After that, you’re pretty much all set.”
“Uh—“
“At that point you’ll be falling.  And falling’s, like, the easiest part.”
“But don’t you—“
“Now, you might try to stop yourself from falling once you’re falling, but we wouldn’t recommend doing that unless you see someone else do it too.”
“Can we just—“
“Some studies show that if you try to stop yourself from falling, you probably won’t be able to anyway, but those studies are inconclusive.”

“I’m confused.”
“About the falling.”
“About the whole thing.”
“Okay, let’s start from the beginning.  You’re going over the cliff.”

“I get that, but…why?”

. . . . .

“Um, did you not hear the part about Barry?”
“But why should I go over the cliff just because Barry’s going over the cliff?”
“Well, Barry’s a pretty smart guy, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yeah, I mean, I guess.”
“You guess?”
“I mean, I wouldn’t say he’s a dumb guy.  He’s about as smart as the rest of us.”
“Exactly!  He’s just like the rest of us!”
“Well, what does that mean?”
“That means if he goes over the cliff, we go over the cliff.”
“So we’re killing ourselves as some sort of show of solidarity?”

“Whoa!  Who said anything about killing ourselves?  We’re just jumping off a cliff here.”

“Yeah, and that’s probably going to result in us dying.”
“Studies have shown that throwing yourself off a cliff doesn’t necessarily lead to you dying.”

“Who does these studies?”
“A focus group.”
“Made up of who?”
“Other lemmings.”
“So they studied what happens when you throw yourself off a cliff?”
“Yes.”
“And what did they find?”
“The findings were inconclusive.”
“Why is that?”
“Because they were killed on impact.”
“So then—“
“But that only proves that doing a study about jumping off a cliff kills you.  We’re not doing a study.  We’re just following Barry.  There are enough variables to suggest that at least some of us might survive.”

“That’s insane!”

“Hey!  Do you want to be a part of this team or not?”
“Not if the team is full of dead lemmings!”
“At least we’ll have died for something important!”
“No, you won’t.  You’ll have died because you do whatever you see anybody else doing!  That’s a horrible reason to die!  That’s probably the WORST reason to die!”

“You know, your attitude is really becoming corrosive to the rest of the group.”
“Well lucky for you in about five seconds we won’t even be a group anymore, we’ll just be a bunch of bloody stains at the bottom of a ravine!”

“Fine.  Then don’t come.”
“What?”
“Don’t come.  Find some other group to be apart of.  But just remember this:  At heart, you’re a lemming.  Who else is going to want you?  The ferrets?  The hamsters?  The guinea pigs?  You’re one of us.  Now, if you don’t want to go over that cliff, that’s your choice, but you think about what good it does you being the only surviving lemming in an anti-lemming world.”

. . . . .

“All right, I’ll go.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re making the right choice.”
“No, I’m really not.  But I guess sometimes, decisions are already made for you.”
“You can’t fight argue with Mother Nature.”
“Yup.”
“I mean, you can, but studies have shown—“
“Let’s just kill ourselves already.”
“Sounds like a plan!”