Two Intelligent People Discuss Having Casual Sex

"We could fall in love."
"We could."
"One of us."
"Pardon?"
"One of us could, as opposed to both.  As opposed to 'we.'"
"Oh."
"Correct?"
"Well, yes, correct."
"So perhaps we shouldn't.  I wouldn't want you falling in love and getting hurt and--"
"I thought you meant you."
"Pardon?"
"You.  I thought you meant you.   When you said 'one of us' I thought you meant you."
"Ah, no.  Clearly, I meant you."
"Clearly?"
"Yes, clearly.  You're the man.  You'll want to believe that a woman who has sex with you needs to be with you.  When you realize that I don't, the shock to your system will come across as something emotional.  You'll feel that you love me, but you won't, but you'll still feel you will, and so you'll be even harder to deal with, because I'll be trying to reason with someone who is, frankly, psychologically disturbed."
"There are a lot of hypotheticals there."
"Predicting what would happen to you if we have sex is like predicting an episode of Two and a Half Men.  There might be a few pleasant ups and downs during the show, but the ending isn't hard to figure out."
"I am not an episode of Two and a Half Men.  I would be an episode of Breaking Bad or Doctor Who or Mad Men--"
"Ha ha ha, oh that's delightful."
"What is?"
"Man Men perhaps, Breaking Bad maybe, but certainly not Doctorr Who."
"I'm witty, dorky, and totally non-threatening.  Of course I'm Doctor Who!"
"You're verbal, anti-social, and scrawny.  It's really not the same thing."
"Then why do you want to have sex with me?"
"Because I'd like to think that our matching intelligences would translate into an incredible physical connection."
"You don't plan on including emotion at all?"
"Casual sex can't include emotion."
"I disagree.  I think a dollop of emotion can actually enhance casual sex."
"My God."
"What?"
"You use the word dollop.  How can we ever hope to cavort?"
"Now wait a minute--"
"What sorts of things do you say during the heat of passion?  'Ah yes, yes, CONFIRMED!  EXPEDITE!    FIRMER!  FIRMER!  INSERTION PLEASE!'"
"Actually, you'd be saying 'insertion please.'"
"I don't believe so.  This isn't going to work."
"But we have such a wonderful connection."
"We're friends.  We enjoy each other's company.  As soon as sex is introduced into the relationship, we could lose everything."
"Or gain--"
"No."
"What?"
"No gain.  Nobody ever gains anything.  Whether we enjoy the sex or not, inevitably, it will potentially ruin--or at the very least alter--the friendship."
"What if we both wore masks?"
"Masks?"
"Then it would be like we were just having sex with strangers."
"And you think this is going to sound more appealing to me?"
"It could be fun!"
"It could feel like we're acting out a snuff film."
"Do you want to continue arguing?"
"Yes, it's rather like foreplay."
"But I'm not having any fun."
"Oh, but I'm having a blast."
"So this means we're leading up to something?"
"Foreplay doesn't always lead to full play.  Sometimes it goes on for years and then just ends.  Some people just get off on the anticipation."
"Are you one of those people?"
"Those people don't tell you who they are.  If they did, you wouldn't bother engaging them."
"Unless both of us were."
"Both of--"
"In which case, this discussion could go on forever."
"I suppose it could."
"Yes."
"Yes."

. . . . .

"Would you like to--"
"Not now."
"No?"
"No.  Two and a Half Men is on."
"And you're interested?"
"Believe it or not, it's my favorite show."