When They Play Rich Girl

When they play Rich Girl
She thinks about the hair
The giant hair
The massive wall of hair
That used to rest
Atop her head

The plastic earrings
The off-the-shoulder ratty gray shirt
With the grease stains on the side
From where he'd grab her--

Well, never mind

That was the shirt
She'd only wear on
'Special occasions'

Back then, she drank more
But she wasn't a drinker

When you're twenty and you drink that much
You're not a 'drinker'
You're 'fun'

When you're thirty
They suddenly expect you
To abandon all your bad habits
And all your bad friends
And become an 'adult'

A mature, responsible adult
Who does not wear plastic earrings
Or admit to liking
Hall and Oates
At the risk of looking 'old'

And not only old, but cheesy
Since Hall and Oates are now cheesy

But she remembers a time
When Hall and Oates
Were, perhaps, a guilty pleasure
But definitely not a sign of old age

Now she's a drinker
One of those women who
In a caricature
Would always have an over-sized
Glass of wine in hand

She's embraced it
She doesn't see the point
In telling people you're not who they say you are
That's exactly who you are

Life is not lived
Behind closed doors

So the life you live in public
Is the life they'll remember you for
And so, that's you

That's who you are

You're a rich bitch, girl
And you're too far gone now
To do anything about it

And there are worse things to be

A poor bitch, for one

But if you're a poor bitch
You're just white trash

Funny how a few extra zeros
Becomes the difference between beer and fine wine
Fast food and Fiore's downtown
With the six-month waiting list

An off-the-shoulder shirt
And an evening gown
That was made especially for you

And you listen and think--

Is it weird that I miss that shirt?

This is your fifth function this year

Alzheimer's
MS
Orphans
Leukemia
And now this--

The Environment

Except at least these environmentalists
Believe in getting drunk
When they save the Earth

At least they sprung for two songs
From Hall and Oates

When you heard that
You wrote a check
That you will never--

NEVER

--tell your husband about

'Those f**king tree huggers,' he'd say, 'The only reason the globe is warming up is because they're filling it with a lot of hot air.'

How the hell did you wind up
Married to a Republican?

Oh right

You wanted to be rich

Well, that worked, didn't it?

Plus, Republican men do it better

Those Democrats were nice
But always too tender

You hit thirty
And suddenly
You wanted to get married
And get screwed

Really get screwed

Nailed to the mattress
Made to feel like a woman from 1800's
Anti-feminized
Because you got sick
Of not shaving your legs
And going to hug-ins
Where, inevitably, you'd end up kissing in a girl
In the hopes that you'd become a lesbian
So life could get simpler

You needed to get screwed
And nobody will screw you better
Than a Republican

Now you realized you practiced false feminism

You realize that real feminism is entirely different
Than what you thought it was
Much like everything else in life

You thought you were at the party
And it turns out you were at the 'other' party

You know, the party that's not as fun as 'the party'
But nobody there knows it
Because nobody at the 'other' party
Was invited to 'the party'

The first half of your life was spent at 'the other party'
And now you're at 'the party'

...Or are you?

You look at Hall and Oates and think--They're so old
Then you look at the people around you and--They're so old
Then you see a mirror across the room with your reflection in it and think--

Fuck it, I still look good

And you dance like the rich girl you are

But first you kick off your heels
Yank down one shoulder of the evening gown
So that the shoulder's exposed
And take off those diamond earrings
That you husband gave you as a 'sorry I cheated again' present

And everyone watching you
Thinks you're just an old drunk woman
Who's embarrassing herself

They don't realize they're just a bunch of old tree-huggers
Watching a girl
Have the time of her life