Cathy Buys Condoms

Uh, yes
I have a few...

...Uh...

...Questions

About...

...Uh...

Condoms

I'd like to buy some condoms

Now, uh, I don't know much
About condoms
Because I have six children
All boys
So clearly
Contraception is now exactly my forte

My husband took care of...all that...while we were...

I mean, not that we...before we were...we just...I'm sure he...

Well, he should be the one here
But he thinks if you give your children condoms
Then it'll encourage them to have sex

I think that I'd like to lock my boys in their rooms until they're forty
But since that's illegal
And the world is full of sex and sluts
I'm here to buy condoms

Now

I was a little surprised
That you have an entire aisle
Of condoms

I didn't realize there was such a...

...a...

...variety

Are some of them more...

...uh...

...protective?  than the others?

What?

Colors?

They come in different colors?

Why on earth would a man
Ever want his genitalia
To look purple?

Are girls into that sort of thing nowadays?

Never mind, I don't want to know

What else do you have?

Sensitivity?

Yes, I'd like a box
Of whatever makes sex
Feel as awful as possible

Do you have any condoms
That will create a suction effect
If they try having sex
Before marriage?

Pre-lubricated?

Yes, I'll need that

I don't want to have to make another pit stop
At the lube shop
On my way home

Taste?

You don't belong TASTING things down there

What sort of...tastes?

Pineapple?!?!?

You mean to tell me
I could purchase something
That would make my husband's penis
Look pink and taste like strawberries?

I might as well have sex
With a Candyland character!

No, no, as I said
These are for my sons
Not for, I mean...

They're for my sons
They're all in their mid-to-late teens now
And I'd like to make sure
They're using precautions

I may have morals
But I'm not naive

I'm going to buy a few boxes of them
And just leave them in the living room
Next to my copy of Chastity Magazine

I mean, I might...
Perhaps...
Suggest to my husband that it might...
Perhaps...
Be...interesting...to try...
...Wearing...

Ugh

I can't have another child

At my age
I just...

I have six
Six boys

And I love them
But I just can't...

But my husband won't come here
I think he's embarrassed
Or something

But I'd rather be embarrassed
Than be buying these for another teenager
When I'm sixty

So, load me up

Give me whatever you've got

Oh, and I'll take the box with the blueberry kind in it

What?

Everybody loves blueberry