Why Mark's Afraid of Clowns

So I was at the circus

Freaking out

Because—

Oh, and I’m seven

I forgot to say that

I’m seven

So like, I’m little, okay?

And I didn’t want to go to the circus

Because I was scared of the tightrope walkers falling on me

Because the year before

They had the tightrope walkers

Walk over the audience

And I remember having a panic attack

And biting down on my father’s hand

For three minutes

Until the clowns came out

I used to LOVE the clowns

Because the clowns meant

That we were getting a break

From the freaky stuff

Like the lions and the fire eaters

And the tightrope walkers without a net

The clowns meant temporary salvation

And so I loved them

But I still used to beg my parents

To let me skip the circus altogether

And every year

They’d explain to me

That kids love the circus

And I needed to stop being

So sensitive

That was why the last time we went to the circus

I ran away

The plan was just to hide

Until the circus was over

I paid my little brother a dollar

To throw up on my mom

So that my parents would be distracted

And then I could slip away

I know it probably wasn’t nice to scare my parents like that

But I told my little brother to tell them

That I’d meet them in the parking lot

After the circus was over

I just couldn’t handle

All that stress

As soon as Luke puked on Mom

I high-tailed it out of there

The problem was

I didn’t know where to go

I ended up at the back of the arena

Where all the performers hang out

Before they go on

At first I was worried

That maybe they just let the lions

Wander free or something

But all I saw was the ringmaster

Smoking a cigarette

And talking to one of the poodle wranglers

Then I saw the car

It was this cute little bug

Hidden behind

A cardboard cut-out

Of Tipsy the Elephant

I figured that would be a good place

To hang out

Until the circus was over

So I climbed into the backseat

And put my head down

So I’d be hidden from view

Everything was going fine

Until I heard the voices

Coming towards the car

Before I know it

All the doors fly open

And sixteen clowns

Start piling into the car

They don’t even notice I’m there at first

They’re all just piling on top of me

And these weren’t classy clowns either

These were like the rejects from the rodeo

They smelled like booze and urine

And all of them had stubble on their faces

And one had a horn that kept squawking

Every time he’d move around

Then somebody yelled ‘Hey, there’s a kid in here!’

But by then, we were already

Going into the arena

I think I blacked out at that point

Because when I woke up

I was sitting at the Lost and Found

In the arena

And I had giant floppy shoes on

I never asked how that happened

After that, I wasn’t really scared of lions

Or anything, really

As much as I was scared of clowns

I still have nightmares

Where they’re piled all on top of me

And those little red noses

Are staring me

Right in the face