While You Throw Up

While you throw up
I'd like to remind you
That what you're experiencing
Is the result
Of your poor decision-making

What you're throwing up right now
Are poor choices
And low self-esteem

Right now, your self hate
Is raining down
On Jason's patio furniture
And although I should find you a bucket
It was his liquor, after all
That helped you make those bad decisions

So let it rain, Courtney
Let it rain

While you throw up
I'll remind you, once again
That the short haircut
Was a mistake

Because now I'm not able to hold your hair

Instead I have to hold your ears

I'm standing here
On a Friday night
Holding my friend's ears
While she throws up
Wondering where we all went wrong

You, clearly, went wrong
Around the time
Jason ran out of alcohol
And everybody started drinking
Sprite and Nyquil

I, on the other hand, went wrong
By coming to this party with you
When I knew full well
That eventually
Things would end like this

Courtney, while you throw up
I want you to think about our friendship
Because, though it breaks my heart to say it
It's nearing an end

The winds of change are coming, Courtney
And they smell like puke

And that smell tells me
That when I go off to college next week
I have to leave you behind
Both geographically
And emotionally

I'll miss these days of sowing my wild oats
While watching you sow the oats
Of every boy in town

I'll miss midnight trips to Connecticut
To toilet paper the house of the forty-three year-old father of two
You were dating for two months
Right before he got back with his ex-wife

I'll miss you instructing me to--

'Let my hair cover as much of my face as possible'

Whenever we'd go out

I'll miss feeling like a kid
But I won't miss feeling like an idiot

So while you throw up
Realize that this is the last time
You're going to be throwing up
With me
Standing next to you
Waiting for you to wipe the scum of sadness
Off your crusty lips

And lead us into another adventure

And if that sounds sweeter
Than it actually is, well...

I've gotten really good
At making things
Sound better
Than they are