Dear Daddy

-- Keeping up with the mythology theme of late, I read a neat little book that I'm sure lesbians would love-and perhaps others too-called "Girl Meets Boy" by Ali Smith. It's part of the Canongate Mythology Series. If you read one book from that series, make it "The Penelopiad" by Margaret Atwood. It's fantastic. I love the idea of people trying to reinvent classic myths. I'm not sure where this specific idea came from, but I found it pretty humorous in my head. --

"Dear Daddy"

Dear Daddy

I am not amused
I am furious
Actually
If you want to know the truth
I am downright
Livid

Giving Dionates open face sores
Was the final straw
It was bad enough when you made him a lamb
A goat
A ball of twine
A peasant girl
And a Mongol
But the open sores are more than I can take

The poor boy has committed no crime
Aside from falling in love
With the daughter of a god
And who wouldn't love me?
I'm stunning

Don't you shake the heavens at me!

I'm not a child anymore, Daddy
I'm a grown woman
I'm nearly fourteen
And I will love who I choose
And there's nothing you can do about it

Dionates and I are running away together
And I hope you can respect my wishes
When I ask you to leave us alone

Your daughter,
Aethene

. . . . .

Dear Daddy

I am writing this to you
From a ship at sea
That has been set upon
By what appear to be
Wild sea dogs

They have giant mouths
And foul-smelling breath
And I'm guessing
They're your creation
As I've never seen a giant dog
Swimming in the Aegean until now

Dionates and I were to be married
On this ship
By the priestess we hired
A fantastic woman
Named Bipipsi
Who we found
Back on the mainland

But as soon as she started to speak the vows
A great wind came upon us
And swept Bipipsi into the sea
Where she was promptly swallowed
By one of the sea dogs
Though the aqua mutt did spit her arm back out at us

I can only hope
She gave that infernal creature
Severe indigestion
As she was wearing several pounds
Of stones around her neck

The rest of the crew
Was thrown into the ocean
And Dionates is now frantic
He's trying to decipher the cries of the captain
Who is slowly moving away from us
Towards oblivion

He's either saying--

STEER RIGHT

Or--

BEAR RIGHT

Which might seem like the same thing
Until you realize
That there are winged bears
Heading right towards us

Is this really necessary, Daddy?
I know you love me
And that you disapprove of me marrying
A goatherd from Crete
But must you kill all these people
In such a brutal way
Just to prove a point?

I have to go now
Dionates has just spotted one of the bears with wings
Coming upon us
In a swift manner

If that creature is your doing
And he eats my fiancee
I will never forgive you!

Love,
Aethene

. . . . .

Dear Daddy

How could you?

I was trying to arrange
A lovely forest wedding
Complete with doves
And serene forest creatures
Of all shapes and sizes

I had just assembled the bunnies
When a pack of wolves
With giant phalluses
Descended upon the clearing in the forest
Snatching half the bunnies
And ripping the wings off most of the doves
With their disgusting pointy teeth

I won't even tell you
What they did to the muskrats

A local hunter saw the entire thing
And feared for my survival
He tried to save me
Not realizing that I was in no harm
Since the wolves were obviously your minions
And the poor thing was mauled
As a pork chop might be
When set before a clan of hungry orphans

Luckily
Dionates was sleeping in a tree
I've learned to hide him
When I'm doing my wedding planning

Are you happy now, Daddy?
Now that you've destroyed my dream
Of a beautiful nature-set matrimonial ceremony

At least you didn't get the cake
Which I'm eating as I write
From a bough in a tree
Dionates resting calmly on my lap

Are you pleased with yourself?
Oh King of Gods, are you?
King of My Foot!

I WANT A WEDDING!

And I'm going to have one
Send as many wolves as you like
But next time
Tell them to do with me
The same as they do to my bunnies!

Your spiteful daughter,
Aethene

. . . . .

Dear Daddy

An entire village?
Was that necessary?
I mean really
Most of them weren't even invited
To the wedding

Some of them didn't even know
A wedding was occurring
But you smote them all
It didn't make any difference to you

And my dress!
Do you have any idea
How hard it is
To get blood
Out of silk?

Dionates is still shaking in the corner
As I write this
By candlelight
On a desk
One I managed to salvage
From one of the exploded homes

I've been lighting these letters on fire
Because that's the only way I know you'll get them
Not that you listen to my pleas
You probably don't even read what I have to say
I would imagine you're too busy
Impersonating bulls or swans
So you can impregnate farm girls
Who like to hump talking animals

Don't think you've stopped me, Daddy
I have your will
Which means I am not to be trifled with
I don't know why you haven't just killed me yet
Or Dionates for that matter
I think you want to see us kept apart
Alive but apart
But that day will never happen

NEVER!

You'd have to destroy the world first
And we all know how much you hate
Breaking your own toys

Angrily,
Aethene

. . . . .

Dear Daddy

I'm frightened
Dionates has a fever
Nothing I do seems to break it
And he won't stop shaking
From what he says is cold
Even though his skin is so hot
I have to wrap cloth around my hands
Just to touch his forehead

I don't know what to do
This isn't something you've done
I know that

You're much more theatrical than this
But this is something scarier
Something about it is so natural
That it terrifies me

It makes me think of a storm
One that can wash whole cities away
And not feel bad at all
Because after all
It's a storm

It's doing what it's supposed to do

But now this
This thing
Is taking away Dionates from me

Daddy
Daddy I beg of you
Help me
Break the fever

If you do...

I promise I won't marry him
Break the fever
Make him well
And I'll never speak to him again

Just help me
I'm your daughter
I beg of you
Help me

Help him

I'll give you what you want
Just bring him back to me
Let me see him healthy again
Then the world can have him

I give you my word

Beseeching,
Aethene

. . . . .

Dear Daddy

I kissed him goodbye this morning
I took the road down from the cliff
And left him where he slept
Overlooking the ocean
Where the waves break
And pull back into themselves

I didn't cry as I thought I would
I understood that this was a bargain
This was the arrangement I had made
It was what must be
And yet it was cruel
And difficult

I know how much you love me, Daddy
I know giant dogs of the sea
And devastated villages
Are the way you show it
Whereas I choose to walk away
Slowly but quickly
Letting my love stay where it is
And hoping one day I can come back to it

Thank you for saving his life
If you did save him
Regardless
The mere fact that he is safe
Is enough for me to give thanks
To you and anyone who will listen

I'll see you in the spring
When the sun comes early again
And maybe then I'll have a man
That you feel is worthy of your daughter

But if not

Then I suppose I should keep writing to you
So as not to let my skill go weak

Love,
Aethene