Spin

-- Everybody's done it, especially theater people. --

"Spin"

You didn't do what you said you did
I mean you did
But if you did
Then you're hopeless
You've lost
Forget it

Okay

So we're going to do a little
We're going to
We're gonna
We're going to liven it up a little

You were in a production of what--?
Okay
Where?
Did you get paid?
Uh huh
Okay
No
It's...

I mean
It's...
Okay

Let's think about this

Did you have a lead?
A supporting role?
A line?
Any line at all?
Did you have to move anything on?

Was anyone famous in the show?
Was the show really high-budget?
Did you rent costumes from somewhere impressive?
Was anyone working on the show famous?
The lighting guy?
The box office manager?
Anybody?

Did you network at all?
Get any good contacts?
Sleep with anyone cute?
Help me here
I'm dying

Was there any benefit
Any at all
In terms of progressing you
As an artist
A professional
A human
Did you benefit at all
From doing this show?

What?
What did you say?
The experience?
You did it for the experience?

GET THE HELL OUT OF MY OFFICE!

Out!
I'm not kidding
Experience?
Are you kidding me?
I have sex for the experience
I eat ostrich egg omelets for the experience
I golf naked for the experience
I would not do a piece of shit show
For FREE for NOTHING
For the EXPERIENCE

ARE YOU INSANE?

Okay
Let's take Johnny here
Johnny's got a crappy role
In a crappy show
At a crappy theater

BUT

Johnny's getting paid

Watch this

'Hi, I'm Johnny.
I'm working with a professional company
In the New York area.'

So what?
New Jersey is the New York area
Hell
Pennsylvania is the New York area
When you get paid
You can spin

So you're not getting paid

Watch this

Jenny is doing a show but not getting paid
She's got a lead though
A lead in a crappy show in a shithole theater
In a nowhere part of town
In Nowheresville, Never-hear-of-it-land

Watch

'Hi, I'm Jenny.
Right now I'm really working on myself as an artist.
I'm currently the lead in a great production
At an up-and-coming theater.
But the main draw for me was to get away from the rat race
And just enjoy being an actress.'

You see?

You have to spin
You don't spin
You don't keep up
You're gone
Gone

GONE

Watch this

Hi, my name is Greg.
My wife left me?

No.

My wife and I are taking some time to ourselves.
To really think about our marriage
And if it's going in the right direction.

Hi, my name is Greg.
My kids hate me?

No.

My kids are going through a lot right now.
I'm so proud of how they're choosing to channel their anger.
Hey! Did you see this trophy I won from the publicists' association?

Hi, my name is Greg.
I'm impotent.

No.

I like to please a woman.
I like to give her what she needs.
Not worry about me.

You spin.

Got it?

You spin
Spin
Spin
Spin

Got it?