Why You Gotta Be Crazy on a Monday?

-- Jaime will appreciate this. --

"Why You Gotta Be Crazy on a Monday?"

Put down that oboe, Rhonda

Put it DOWN

You don't need to playing an oboe
On a Monday night
When I'm tired
And trying to watch Intervention
Like a normal person
'Stead of playing an oboe
Like you Homo Norigato
Or some shit like that

Brandi?

Brandi!

Why you climbing on the couch?
You been taking my painkillers again?
I told you they're not good for you
Yeah, they make you feel good
That's because your life is a series of bad decisions
Keeping you in a pain flux
But those pills are just a band-aid
You need more than a band-aid
You need a surgeon general
That's what you need

Tina

Tina

Tina

Stop yelling at me, Tina
I don't care if she's crying
She don't belong playing the oboe
On a Monday night
When the only thing I'm trying to do
Is watch my Intervention
On the tv

Tina, why you gotta be crazy on a Monday?

Can't you go crazy on a Friday
When I don't have to work tomorrow?
Ain't it bad enough we have to live in a house
With two other nutjobs
Like we're in some kind of sorority
For mentally challenged people
Delta somethin' somethin'
Or some shit like that

You don't need to be yelling at me
On a Monday
Ain't no need for yelling
On a Monday
I ain't planning on being yelled at
ON A MONDAY

Cindy, what's wrong?
Why you crying?
You want to play the oboe to?
So what then?
Brandi stole your boyfriend?
So smack her!

I'll smack her
BRANDI!
Get down here

She's climbing on the couch
Like she's Peter Pan
I'll knock her ass down
Don't worry, Cindy

Tina, stop yelling at me
I'm not living with no boyfriend stealer
I do NOT think so, Miss Tina
That bitch can move her shit out
Before Cindy pees on all of it

That's right, you heard me
Cindy, mark your territory
Mark her blouse
Go ahead, be brave

What?

Cindy, that's not stealing your boyfriend
If your boyfriend breaks up with you
Because he likes Brandi
And Brandi won't give him the time of day
Because I think she's mentally challenged
Since she likes climbing on the furniture
And yesterday I saw her eat a pack of post-it notes
That ain't Brandi's fault

Don't sit there sulking at me, Cindy
You think I never lost a boyfriend?
I lost a boyfriend last week
But none of y'all know that
Because y'all are selfish people
Who only think about themselves

You're enablers
You're enabling my life to suck
Enabling it to sucky-town
Every day of the week

But please
Please can you lay off
Just for today

You want to go crazy?
Go crazy on Sunday
When I'm at church
Asking God to give me patience
So I don't murder y'all in your sleep

Why you gotta be crazy on a Monday?
On a nice, simple day like a Monday
When all anybody wants to do
Is relax, eat some Lean Cuisine
And watch Intervention

You ruined it for me now
I can't even watch it
It was a good one too
Girl was so hung up on drinking
She guzzled rubbing alcohol
Her breath's probably rank
Smelling like a bedpan

Miss Tina, do not tell me
What they use to wash bedpans
You don't know what you're talking about

Brandi, get down off the couch
I left some post-it notes in your room
Go have a party

Take Cindy with you if she's going to be crying
And tell Rhonda I can hear that oboe in the basement
Tell her I will come down there
And turn that oboe into a pool stick
If she doesn't quit it for tonight

Jesus, give me strength
Give me guidance
Give me a heat-seeking missile
And then get me out of this house

Miss Tina, you better not be in my room
I heard my closet door opening
You better not be trying to snatch my pumps
Or I'll have Cindy pee on your bedspread

Why, I just keep asking
Why you gotta be crazy on a Monday
On a Friday, on a Saturday
Hell, on a Tuesday
That's a different kind of day

But on a Monday?
That's wrong
That's just wrong