"For the First Time, All Over Again"
He came to town
In shabby van
Covered in giant stamps
Like an old-fashioned
Traveler's suitcase
His name was Winchell
And he claimed to do magic
But only a particular kind of magic
A certain skill, a trick, some might say
He claimed
That for fifty-three dollars
And thirty four cents
He could point you at someone
And it could be anyone
And make you see them
For the first time
This could include your wife
This could include your mother
This could include your best friend
This could include anyone
For fifty-three dollars
And thirty-four cents
Jacie was the first to pony up
She wanted to look at her boyfriend
For the first time, all over again
See Trent again
And see why
She fell in love with him
But once she handed over her money
And Winchell put his hand on her head
With a light touch, a simple tap
Something strange happened
Jacie looked at Trent
And she felt fear
She looked at a man
That she didn't like
She saw his cruel eyes
She saw his rough hands
She saw a mouth
That was quick to curse and scream
But slow to smile
Jacie ran off that day
Determined never to come back
She hadn't recalled up to that point
That upon first seeing Trent
She was scared of him
He'd walked over to her
And charmed his way in
Assuaging her fears
Making her think that she was a fool
Dulling her instincts
Silencing her alarms
But when she saw him again
For the first time
She knew she had to go
Before he could charm her again
Muriel was next
She didn't believe in magic
But she believed Jacie
When the girl said she wasn't coming back
And didn't when the sun rose
And Trent found himself
In an empty bed
With his hands tied to the bedposts
And nobody offering to untie them
Muriel had been married to Stokes
For thirty-seven years
And she was fed up with him
He burped at every possible opportunity
And he slopped up sauce with his bread
Two things Muriel had seen her father do
And two things she always said
She would never put up with
When she was married
Somehow the rules had dissipated
And there was Stokes at the breakfast table
Taking toast and dipping it in the egg yolk
Making a dirty plate dirtier
And clean all at the same time
She was considering leaving him
And if Jacie could leave Trent
Tie up that sociopath
And head for Fresno
Then Hell, Muriel could go too
Because Stokes was disgusting
But he sure wasn't dangerous
She gave Winchell her money
And he tapped his foot twice
Then she went home
And saw her husband
For the first time, all over again
His laugh lines showed
His bad teeth
His bad breath
The cigarette stains
The scar on the side of his face
The birthmark shaped like a pumpkin
The bad leg
She didn't see history
She didn't see the past
She didn't see their kids
Or that he'd been faithful
Or that he'd been loving
Or that he'd been understanding
She didn't see that he stuck with her
When she found out about the cancer
She didn't see that he once carried her for two miles
When their car broken down outside town
She didn't see that he knew the spots on her back
To kiss, lightly, and put her right in the mood
All she saw
Was this man
Sitting at a table
Eating like a slob
Looking so damn good
She climbed into his lap
And gave him the best kiss
She'd given him in years
And Stokes leaned back
Laughed at her
And said--
'You went to see Winchell, didn't you?'
Tobey LaGrange went on a Friday
He went on his day off
But he didn't want to see anyone
He wanted them to see him
Jen Jen was his best friend
But he was so hopelessly in love with her
That being around her had become painful
To the point of impossible
He was convinced that she could have loved him
If instead of telling her a joke when they first met
He had done something cool
Like light a cigarette
Or sulk in a corner
He paid Winchell money
And informed him
That Jen Jen was working at the cafe
In the heart of town
And could he please go there
And make her see Tobey
For the first time, all over again
This time he wouldn't foul it up
An hour later, he went to the cafe
And stood in front of Jen Jen
Determined not to look funny
Or do anything
To ruin his second first chance
She smiled at him, said--
'Hey Tobey'
--And asked him--
'Want a latte?'
He was hurt
She didn't love him
And he'd worn sunglasses
Expensive sunglasses
And a shirt
That he thought
Made him look rugged
'Don't I look different?'
She tilted her head a little
Then took off her apron
Put it down on the counter
And came around
So she could stand in front of him
She took a second
Then said--
'You look as stupid as the day I met you.'
Then she kissed him
Tapped his lips
With her finger
In a sweet sort of way
And said--
'I forgot how stupid you looked.'
Then she went back to work
And Tobey stood there
Wondering what to do next
More confused than ever
Linda was the next to try
She wanted to have Winchell
Do his magic on her
So she could see her daughter
She wanted to see where she went wrong
Where the holes were
Where the flaws showed themselves
Where the cracks appeared on the surface
Because Linda was going to find them
Go over them
And fix them once and for all
She couldn't see her daughter anymore
All she could see was a pile of sorrow
And there was no way
She could dig through all of that
Into the heart of the problem
She couldn't take a step back
And see where the string started
So she could pull it back
Back to her
Tie it up around her wrists
And her waists
Take it back onto herself
And heal her little girl
Winchell handed her
A handful of sand
And made her
Open her hand
And let it all go
Then he sent her home
Where she found her daughter
Lying in bed
Spread out on the comforter
Breathing in and out
Taking the simplest thing in the world
Into her body
Rest
Linda sat down on that bed
And cried on her little girl
Because she was so beautiful
Because she was so pure
Because she was hurting
But in that hurt
There was a need
That Linda refused to fill
A messy room
She couldn't clean
Because she was overwhelmed
By the fact
That she couldn't see
The floor from the flaws
She ran her fingers
Up and down
Her little girl's back
And she didn't see the stealing
And she didn't see the violence
And she didn't see the nasty boyfriends
She saw Katie
For the first time, all over again
And she wanted to try again
God, how she wanted to try again
The last person to see Winchell
Was Margaret McBride
And she asked to see Winchell
See him for the first time, all over again
All he did
Was hold up a mirror
And Margaret saw
She saw it all
Meaning nothing
But a new nothing
A first-time nothing
She turned to Winchell
And gave him her hand
'I told myself you weren't as handsome as I remembered.'
She'd been telling herself that
Ever since she sent him away
Claiming in her head
That a man who sold mirrors
Couldn't support her
Or be a good provider
For a family
Then she got into that van
With the stamps all over it
And Winchell drove away
Having gotten what he came for
And he left a town
Full of people
Who kept looking at each other
Wondering if they could do it without him
Wondering if they could see themselves
For the first time, all over again
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