Who Were You Expecting?

You were expecting a caterpillar?
Someone to crawl along and mope
Be afraid, weary, tired of talking
Unassuming by the side of the road
Hoping one day to grow into a gorgeous butterfly
Not at all proud to be a caterpillar
Who can stick to the ground instead of flying off the handle
Move at a pace he feels comfortable with
Associate with who he wants to associate with
Be very hungry all the time until he eats through eight pages
Of illustrated drawings and kindergarten words
And at the end of all that
Put on thirty pairs of tiny shoes
And tap dance myself out of the pupae
Or whatever you call it
And maybe die, and maybe not
Maybe just be the first caterpillar who didn't want to flap his wings

Is that who you were expecting?

Were you expecting a bookish brooding snob?
To quote literary references at you
From tomes and works to test your attention
Would that have stopped you in your tracks
How about if I slipped them in all nonchalant like?
Upon seeing you and the person you dumped me for
Something from Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
While getting drunk and making a fool out of myself
An excerpt from The Great Gatsby or The Sun Also Rises
Dancing by myself and making out with anyone who comes near me
A selection from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas or Corduroy--just to fuck with your head
I could be the bohemian academic that you thought didn't exist
The wallflower who just can't seem to stick to the wall
The pretentious asshole who gets into quote-offs with boys at parties sipping tonics
Trying to maintain his cool while he racks his brain
For mundane proof that his ivy league education was not in vane
Driving the car that Daddy bought
Wearing the clothes Mommy likes the best
Sister engaged to a Wall Street hooker, sorry, businessman
Who works for the man who works for the man who works for the man
But not so smart nowadays, are we?
Two brothers, both obnoxious
Grandparents, old money, or just plain old
Summers here, winters there, weekends there
This bar, this restaurant, this party with these people
Church for show, theater for show, everything for show
It's all one big show
And I'm your favorite performer

Is that who you were expecting?

Were you expecting the person you used to date?
Who'd dote and prate on while you rolled your eyes at his multiple personas
The one he strolled out at parties to applause and opinions
The one he put on for plays and play practice and playing at being social
The one he showed to you quietly at night when all that was done
When he promised to try to take all those personalities
And roll them into something small you could accept?
While the air-conditioning buzzed and cooled the room
Where he held you so close and couldn't sleep any other way?
And all those nights, were you laying next to a person
Who one day you knew you could shut off and shut out
And with little to no emotional consequence for yourself?
Were you expecting him to walk through the door so you could shut it in his face again?
Or so you could offer apologies and shake hands like friends?

Is that who you were expecting? A new friend?

Were you expecting a smile
A saucy remark
A nostalgic anecdote
A warm hug
A cold shoulder
A fling for old time's sake
A returned article of clothing
A renewed and rejuvenated soul
Ready to forgive the past and move on?

Is that what and who you were expecting?

Were you expecting a 50's housewife?
With a tray of cookies
And a polka dot dress
Two kids, a beehive hairdo, and a conservative way of thinking?

Were you expecting a jetsetter?
With a private jet of his very own
Successful and dapper
Dropping off in Mozambique just for the hell of it?

Were you expecting a ostrich
With his head so far down in the ground
He could finally feel safe, and comfortable
But still hear your footsteps resonating high above?

Who did you address the invitation to again?
I can't remember
I can't remember who I'm supposed to show up as
What I'm supposed to be
What box I'm supposed to check
What desire and need I once again have to fulfill
What to wear
How to act
What would signify me as being "appropriate"?

Who were you expecting?

Because nowadays
My expectations
Match my outlook
On the issue of people
And who they are
And how they change
And if they don't
Which I don't expect
Then I just keep on
Being eight different things
Every thirty seconds
And assuming
Everyone else can keep up

And if you weren't expecting that
Then I would suggest
Next time

Expecting the unexpected