Don't Put Your Love Online

-- Influence #16: The Internet (Surprise) --

"Don't Put Your Love Online"

First of all, Joe
I'm flattered

Creeped out, but flattered
Mildly disturbed, but flattered
Contemplating taking legal action, but flattered

I'm just not the kind of girl
Who falls for this...stuff
I'm not a character in a movie
Standing outside my house
With a boombox
Blasting Peter Gabriel
Isn't going to do much for me

All that aside
I'm flattered

I'm flattered that you have taken your campaign
To get me to like you
To this...extent

I'm flattered that your status
For the past seven weeks
Has been--

'Joe Illiciano ll Love Me, Libby'

I'm flattered that so many people
So many people
With far too much time on their hands
Have decided to make you
Their special project

I'm flattered that the Youtube video
Of you singing 'You Don't Know Me'
Dedicated to...me
...On the harp
Has become a nationwide sensation

I'm flattered
That there are over one million people
In 'Libby Should Love Joey'
Facebook Group

I'm flattered
That this morning
My aunt was interviewed
On Good Morning, America
To see what her thoughts were
On you and I getting married

I'm flattered
That you've put
This much effort
Into getting me

But Joe
You're not going to get me

It isn't going to happen
It just isn't

I don't care how many people write on my wall
I don't care how many messages flood my inbox
I don't care how what Diane Sawyer thinks
It is NOT going to happen

I know you think these are all gallant gestures
I'm sure you don't mean any harm
But I feel like you've forced my life
Into the confines
Of a Nora Ephron movie
Where you and I have to wind up together
Or the entire world will be disappointed
And nothing will make sense

Now when I go back and watch
'When Harry Met Sally'
I wonder
Did Sally really love Harry?
Or was she just trapped?
Trapped by the fact
That when you're named Sally
And you're in a movie
Called 'When Harry Met Sally'
You might as well just suck it up
And learn to love Harry

But you are not my Harry, Joe
And I can promise you
I am not your Sally

If I had known
When you first developed this crush on me
Senior year of high school
That it was going to escalate
Into an eight year
Media extravaganza
I would have just made out with you
And let that be that

Because you're infatuate, Joe
You're not in love
Nobody would go this insane
Over love
Given the opportunity
To spell someone's name out
In the grass in front of your house
And the put the photos on Flickr

OR

Just fall out of love
Most people
Would just fall out of love

Where you're coming from
Is a much more determined
And delusional place
And you need to leave that place, Joe
You need to pack your bag
And leave

Because...

I'm starting to buy it
I am, I really am
And it's not because
I'm developing feelings for you

It's because a girl
Can only be bombarded
With so much attention
From anyone
Until she either changes her number
Or agrees to date the guy

I can't turn on CNN anymore
And see my face next to yours
Without thinking
Maybe...
Just maybe...

So I'm begging you
Back off
Back off before I give in
Because Joe
To be honest
I sort of like
This wonderful image you have of me

I like the poems you write
And post on Blogspot
I like the video posts you do
At four am when you can't sleep
I even like those stupid Joey and Libby dolls
That Mattel just came out with

...I know you're not really responsible for them
But you should check them out
The Joey doll looks JUST like you

I love how you love me, Joe
Even if it isn't love
So please
Don't ruin it
By dating me

Just end all this now
And it'll be one big lovely memory
Okay?

Don't let reality
Ruin the fun
I'm begging you

Don't put your love online
For all to see

Because it's easy to click 'I like'
Or comment with 'You should date him!'
That takes a second
That takes nothing

I'm a lot more work than that
In real life, Joe

So log off
Get some sleep
And then go find your Sally

I'll tell you one thing
She's a really lucky girl
Whoever she is