April, Showering

She's going to stay in here forever
She's going to stay underneath
The hot pour of the cleansing water
And they'll find her soaked like a raisin
Three days from now
With a smile on her face

This is April showering

She has to be at work in an hour
She has a half hour commute
She needs a good twenty minutes to do her hair
She doesn't care
She's not getting out

Her boyfriend is in the shower with her
He's here as much as he is in real life
A fantastical version of Chris
That's so much better
Than the real thing

This one knows how to touch her
And what to say
And what spot on her neck
Makes her blush all over

She doubts there's enough room for him in here though
The shower is small, only room for her
Maybe that's the problem
Maybe there's just no room for Chris

She was supposed to eat breakfast every day
That was her promise to herself
Breakfast every day

But breakfast or extra shower time
And shower time always wins
That's just how it is

She'll grab a bagel on the way to work
And smother it in the most fattening thing she can think of
Maybe chicken lard

Who knows?

She sings in the shower
She sings Patsy Cline
She sings Dusty Springfield
She sings Reba, sometimes

She likes to pretend she's wearing a cowgirl's hat
And she wails prouder than she ever would
If anybody could hear her

She's sure her upstairs neighbor does
Because when they pass in the hall
He tips an imaginary hat to her
And this mortifies her
Slash makes her giggle
Because, well, he's hot

Maybe she should invite him down sometime...

No, Chris, remember?

But Chris isn't working
It's just not
It's just not working

She imagines her friends Kelly and Maxie
Sitting on the bathroom sink
Talking to her while she showers

'He's boring'
'He's lame'
'Boring means lame'
'Shut up'
'You shut up'

They're insufferable

She puts up with them because Kelly always buys dinner
And Maxie hates Kelly as much as April
And the three of them went to Vegas four years ago
Had a great time
And have been feeding their dying friendships
On that trip ever since

You know what April loves about her bathroom?
She loves that there's no window in it

Aren't all rooms supposed to have windows?
Well, this one doesn't
Welcome to life in a crappy one-bedroom
In the "trendy" part of town

"Trendy" means that people April's age live there
Because they can afford it
Because they refuse to live in the suburbs
Even though getting shot is a very real possibility

Getting shot is now trendy

The bathroom is clean though
Who cares if there's no window?
What are the odds of there being a fire in the bathroom?

And if there is a fire
She'll just climb in the shower
And stay under the water
Like a mermaid in an inferno
Sheltered from harm

She presses back against the shower wall
She checks her breast for lumps
She always does this
And she never finds anything

Her Mom never found anything either
But she still died last year from lung cancer
Never a smoker either

What are the odds?

Her Mom used to yell at her
Because she showered too long

'What the hell are you doing in there?'

Perverse sexual things, Mother
Masturbating with the shampoo bottle, Mother
I snuck my boyfriend in through the sink, Mother

'I just like how it feels, Mom'

Clean
It feels clean

Life is so dirty
And it just always felt nice
To be made clean
To be given a fresh start

She feels the coolness of the hot water running out
She turns the handle all the way into the dark red zone
To where the water should boil the skin
Right off your body

Instead it warms her up for a moment
And then turns cool again

She hates this moment
This moment when reality begins
As a cool burst
Chilling her instantly

She'll let it go all the way cold
She'll demand that it commit to its freezing temperature
Before she finally turns the handle the other way
Steps out
Wraps herself up

And starts the day