A Year Full of Marriage

-- The title is from Anne Tyler's fantastic novel "Back When We Were Grownups" --

"A Year Full of Marriage"

They didn't sleep in the same room
They didn't eat at the same table
They didn't break the same dishes
Or make the same mistakes

But it was still a year
A year full of marriage

He saw other women
He didn't sleep with them
But they were there
Hovering on the precipice
Of 'colossal mistake'

She wouldn't see other men
But then, she hated men
She hated her father
She hated her brother
She hated God

It was a year devoid of men
And that part wasn't unappealing to her

But she hated sleeping alone
And he hated his own cooking
He missed her macadamia nut cookies
She missed his blue socks strewn everywhere

He left because she asked him to leave
She asked him because she hated cooking
And she hated picking up socks
And she hated that she did the laundry
And that she felt like a 50's housewife

So he left

He left two days after Christmas

She remembered that Valentine's Day wasn't so bad
Because you prep for it
Because you expect to be alone
And you tense up for it
And though it's a punch
It only knocks your wind out for a second

She ate spaghetti with olive oil
And lit some candles
And drank too much wine
And cried for a little bit
Then fell asleep on the couch
In her grandmother's blanket

He had chop suey out of the carton
And three beers
Before crashing on the couch
In his brother's basement

Every week there would be a phone call
To touch base

About bills
About car problems
About health

Her Dad's back surgery
His Mom's hysterectomy

And they never brought up the 'D' word
Not for that entire year
Not once

Easter was easy
That was family time
And it was easier
WIth only one family to please
One house to go to
One meal to eat

And too many questions
Too many questions to answer
That didn't have answers

Their families knew
But they kept asking
Hoping for the best

Still, Easter was easy
Much easier than when summer rolled around
And the urge to go out
Started to set in

She would get drinks with friends
He would sit in his underwear
Watching tv all night long
Until exhaustion overtook him

She always found herself
Going home early
Locking the door
And sitting on the linoleum
Staring at the cupboards
And imagining a house full of people
Instead of old American furniture

By September, he was working extra hours
Seeing, just seeing, a waitress from Applebee's
Trying to keep her from falling in love with him
Because that was all he needed

Every time they'd go out
He'd play with his wedding ring
But she'd just laugh
And twist her hair

He missed his wife

She only had to make one dish that Thanksgiving
But she made four anyway
And showed up at his brother's house
With the other three

When he answered the door
She knew he had to come back
Not for her, because she would survive
But him?

He looked awful
He needed his wife

Two days before Christmas
He was sleeping next to her bed
Which seemed silly
But she wasn't ready
To have him that close again yet

But that would come with time

They never talked about that year
Not really

She'd mention a movie she saw that year
He'd mention a place he'd go to eat at
But they wouldn't question it further
They'd just smile

Sort of liking the mysterious spots
They had in their marriage

And it had still been a year full of that
Full of marriage

Because there were still vows
There were still rings
There were still weekly phone calls

But more than that
There was concern
There was fear
There was the hope
That they wouldn't wind up
Being alone

And in that, there was marriage
There was so much marriage