The Status is Complicated

Our status is complicated

I should explain

We set our status to complicated
Because I'm dying on the inside
And I want to tie weights around his neck

And because he's quitting his job
To become a full-time poker player
Which is another way of saying

'I've become addicted to gambling
So why not make a profession out of it?'

So that's, obviously, complicated

His job is complicated
Our security is complicated
My faith in him...

Well, unfortunately
You can't set your status as 'Shattered'
So as far as my faith in him
We're saying it's complicated

I wish there were other options

My relationship status is 'Precarious'
My relationship status is 'Delicate'
My relationship status is 'Hazy'

But they only offer complicated
So we're complicated

And people say about people
In complicated relationships

'Why don't they just break up?'

Because we're not ready to break up
Because we're still trying
Because, as the status says

IT'S COMPLICATED!

It is not OVER
It is COMPLICATED

There's a difference

Granted, most of the time
When it's complicated
It very soon becomes over

Maybe they should say that

My relationship status is 'Almost Over'

It's like a multiple choice test
Where you feel you can defend an answer
But the teacher doesn't let you

I used to write in extra lines
And rationalize all my responses
Whenever I'd take a multiple choice test

'Well, it depends on what you MEAN by The Catcher in the Rye is a coming-of-age tale, Mr. Hopper.'

I guess some habits die hard

Underneath my relationship status, I'd like to write--

'My husband is a gambler, but as soon as he stops things will not be complicated.'
'My husband is a loving, dedicated, man full of kindness and he's currently betting our neighbor which end of the street the garbage truck with come down on Monday.'
'My husband is not the idiot everyone told me I was marrying; he BECAME the idiot everyone told me I was marrying.'

I don't like our status
But it's the best I can do
It's the only way of saying
It's hard, but we're trying

It's really hard, but we're really trying
And we're not broken up...yet

I guess I could always keep our hardship to ourselves
But what is there to be ashamed of really?

Is the fact that relationships can be difficult
Some new revelation that nobody's ever thought of?

Relationships are messy
They're tricky
They're complicated

I love him
He loves me
We don't sleep together
I found him hiding underneath the kitchen table
Muttering the names of different racing horses
And rocking back and forth

It's all very complicated

But I know he's my guy
I know he's still my guy
And I know I don't want to leave...yet

Maybe I put up that status
Because I was looking for an answer
Maybe I was hoping somebody could tell me
How to fix this problem
That I can't even name

Maybe I was hoping people would offer support
Or good advice
Or a listening ear

But maybe they're afraid
Maybe they're afraid they'd be tainted
By my complication