Lousy Sex

Do you want to make this party
Just a bit more fun?

Do you want to hear a secret
That will inevitably make this party
Just a bit more fun?

Everybody at this party
Can be connected
By lousy sex

Don't believe me?

Watch

The bartender used to date the guy
Who just got a promotion
But they broke up because they had--

Lousy Sex

Promotion Boy knows Short Guy
Because they both hooked up
When Short Guy first came to the city
And didn't know that hooking up with Promotion Boy
Is a guaranteed reputation scar

They only hooked up the once
And became friends
Very platonic friends
Because they had--

Lousy Sex

Short Guy was into the James Franco look-alike
Because his self-hatred manifests itself
Into a severe attraction to quote 'straight-acting guys'

The two of them almost became boyfriends
Because they attempted to hook up in Franco's Prius
And the whole thing turned into--

Lousy Sex

Now Franco dates Ghetto
And Short Guy is single
But Booksmart is major crushing on him
And makes everybody's else's life miserable
Because he can't have him
Because word on the street is
If you hook up with Booksmart
You're going to wind up having--

Lousy Sex

This reputation was earned
When Booksmart hooked up with Bad Call
Known for being a 'Bad Call'
And, in this group, that's saying something

Bad Call labeled Booksmart
'Bad in Bed'
And now nobody will touch him

Because if there's one person's opinion you have to trust
It's that of a total whore

The last guy that Bad Call hooked up with?

The bartender

And apparently
It was--

Say it with me now

Lousy Sex