If I Could Stop

If I could stop
I would call this to a halt
And return to routine
Make a smile for lunch
Cut off the edges
And say it's okay

If I could stop

If I could knock it off
I'd go to group after group
Telling my troubles to strangers
And strange men with needles
Ready to make me fine
And find my mind
Inside their puzzle pieces

If I could stop

If I could end this
I would end this
And never see the beginning again
I'd apologize over and over
And demonize myself
Over and over
And over and over again I'd say
That today was a better day
That I had a better day

If I could stop

If I could quit it all
I'd fall into the uncomfortable questions
That surround serenity
Being a slipshod, less fun
Run around version
Of myself
That nobody finds fun
And when I'm done
I'm done

If I could stop

If I could stop loving you
I guess I could do so much more
Than what I'm capable of now
A heart isn't meant to be an anchor
And being close to someone
Isn't supposed to be the same thing
As being tied to them until it's like invisible string
Is tangling you up in each other

If I could stop
I would

I would

I would