Mrs. Brugel's Basic Math

So let's say you're in Idaho, and you need to get home.

Train tickets cost five dollars.

Violet, pay attention. You don't want to fail basic math, do you? Failing anything with the word 'basic' in it does not score you points in the intelligence department.

Besides, this might come in handy for you.

I'm sexing up math, kids! Third grade is about to get racy.

So you need a five-dollar train ticket.

There are three men on the train platform.

The first man says he'll pay you five dollars if you let him touch your feet. He's into feet, toes, feet and toes, and anything that goes in a shoe. If you let him play with your piggies, you get to go home.

BUT if he sees one oddly misshapen toenail, he'll take away three dollars.

Now, the second man on the platform wants you to dress up like a house frau and make him borscht. He'll pay you two dollars for the role playing and one dollar for the borscht.

That leaves you a little short, I know, but I'm not finished.

Violet! Take that lolli-pop out of your mouth! I know all the other kids have them, but your mouth is committing a sin right now that your mind isn't aware of, so just take it out.

Where was I?

Oh right.

The THIRD man on the platform will pay you three dollars if you read to him because he's blind.

All right, what do you do?

. . . . .

Absolutely RIGHT, Violet!

First off, you don't waste your time with the blind man. You have a train to catch. Besides, he doesn't even have enough money.

Secondly, you have no clue how to make borscht and you don't own a mu mu, so the Naughty Tenant is out of luck.

So what you do is go over to the first man, take off your shoes, then when he bends down to look at your feet, you kick him in the face, grab his money, and RUN!

He was the only one with five dollars on him, so why bother with the others?

. . . . .

See children, basic math.

Now, wait until you see what I have in mind for Earth Science.

Do any of you like snails?

Yes, but I mean do you REALLY like snails?