Mary and the Elevator Man

Mary likes to stop at the eighth floor
Where the widowed sisters
Entertain their gentlemen friends
By playing old Shirley Bassey records
And let their doilies fall on the floor
Ever so softly

She asks the Elevator Man
If she'll ever wind up
Living on the eighth floor
And he says, 'No'
Because she will never get married
And therefore, never be widowed
Because queens do not marry
And that is what Mary is

A Little Queen

Mary likes to stop at the eleventh floor
Where the circus family lives
When they're not traveling the country

She likes the little dogs that run
From apartment to apartment
And do tricks for her
As soon as the elevator door opens

She likes the clowns that live in 11B
And the lion tamers that live in 11C
Across the hall from the lions that live in 11E
And next to the Ringmaster who lives by himself
Because he gets tired of having
To do all the talking

"Will I ever live on the eleventh floor?"
"No, because the number eleven doesn't suit you."
"Yes, I suppose it is an unsuitable number."
"For a queen."
"Yes, for a queen."

Mary likes to stop at the fifteenth floor
Where her little brother has his campaign headquarters
He's running for Leader of the Fifteenth through Eighteenth Floors
And this year the competition is stiff
Because Louisa Jane Mantonbaum lived on the seventeenth floor
And her father owned a stamp factory
And that meant he could throw money at the residents of floors

Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
And Eighteen

But her little brother was not giving up
Without a darn good fight
And when the doors opened
Mary waved to him
But he was busy
Stuffing envelopes full of money

"I'm so glad I'm a queen. Queens don't have to run for office."
"It's true."
"Occasionally they're assassinated."
"Occasionally means 'not often.'"
"That's true."
"So why worry?"
"Exactly."

After a trip to the penthouse
Where she sipped lemonade
With Mollotta the Romance Writer
Mary was ready to go back down

"That was a lovely trip."
"Yes, it was."
"Being a Queen means being sociable."
"Yes, it does."
"Will you miss me when I invade the bakery across the street, Elevator Man?"
"You mean you'll be leaving?"
"Well, one must educate her conquered masses, mustn't one?"
"I suppose so."
"Once I've domesticated the muffins; I'll make you an ambassador."
"I don't know, your Highness. Personally, I like my elevator."

"All right," said Mary, stepping off the elevator.

"I think it suits you anyway."