It's Not About the Dishes

It's not about the dishes

No, yeah, it is
But it's not JUST about the dishes

I have left those dishes
In that sink
For EIGHTEEN days

Forget dirty

We have moved beyond dirty

There are cities of germs
Towering out of our kitchen sink

But THAT is not even what I'm concerned about

I'm concerned that you
Have been sitting
On that couch
For eighteen days
Waiting for her to call

Jonathan, she is NOT going to call

The germs in our sink
Will evolve into intelligent life
Before she calls

They will grow feet
With tap shoes on them
Before she calls

Now, you need to get up off the couch
And shower, because you smell like fried elephant ass
And let your lovely roommate
Take you out for the night
So you can meet, you know, another human being

One that exists outside of TV Land

Jonathan, yesterday I caught you jerking off to the Barefoot Contessa
Clearly, you're teetering on the abyss

Listen to me

You are a GOOD guy

And just because one stupid girl
Didn't realize that
It doesn't mean that you won't meet someone else
Who will absolutely love you

You know, you're cute
You're sweet
You know how to operate a Cusinart
Which is--I mean, I don't even know what that is
So, bravo to you

I love you, Jon
And you--you can do better than this

I don't just mean her
I mean, in general
In life

You can do better

So, c'mon

We're going out

But first--

Do the dishes