The Running of the Bulls

Here in Greg's Hollow
We've been looking for new ways
To increase tourism

Since we believe imitation
Is the sincerest form of flattery
We figured we'd flatter somebody
And steal another city's idea

There were a few suggestions
That landed by the wayside

Most of them were 'Build an Eiffel Tower'

I won't lie
There was a day or two there
Where I thought we might be able to pull it off
If the Eiffel Tower was made out of Oreos
Because the Oreo factory is only two towns over
But I didn't know how we'd get those pointy parts of it done

Once we gave up on that
We started thinking about something a little more active
Since we tend to have a childhood husky epidemic going through town
At this current time

That's when Julie-oh the Spanish boy
Told us about this custom they have where he comes from
Called the Running of the Bulls

You let some bulls loose in town
And then a bunch of idiots try running away from them
And if you're not too husky
You don't get gored to death

Sounded like good clean fun to me

The problem was that Julie-oh wasn't too clear on the logistics of the bull running
And we were real eager to get started on having a new annual tradition
Since we were having new banners made up
And we wanted to be able to put what we're the home of on the banners

The old ones all said--'Greg's Hollow--You Can Almost Smell the Oreos'

So perhaps we weren't thinking too clearly
When we set up the event

For one thing, we definitely should have given the kids
More time to lose that holiday weight
Before we made them run from the bulls

We thought we'd even the odds
By giving the bulls Sleepytime Nyquil the night before
But that only seemed to increase their speed

I, for one, was shocked
By how fast those bulls came out of the back
Of Wayne Taylor's pick-up truck

I mean, they're not cheetahs, for godsakes
Who knew they were that swift?

I figured if those kids in Kenya
Could outrun a lion
Then our hometown boys had a good chance
Of at least keeping a few feet
Between them and the bulls

Oh, I'll tell you

It was a sad day here in Greg's Hollow

Our boys were getting thrown around town
Like confetti after the war

Then, when it was all over
We couldn't find any of the bulls

Julie-oh, we said
How do you get the bulls back in Espanata
Once they're done running?

He said he didn't know

Let me tell you something
They can say whatever they want about the American educational system
But at least we know enough to wonder about how to get the bulls back
Once we've released them into town

We're still getting phone calls from campers
Spotting our bulls in the woods

They've all gone feral now
And they're mating with wild cows
So I doubt we'll ever get them back

Needless to say, that is one tradition
We will not be bringing back again next year

We have, however, talked about making a Leaning Tower of Pisa
Out of beef jerky
But we can't figure out
How the Eye-talians get that damn thing to lean

The message here is this:

Europeans can't be trusted

And God bless America