The Snowed In One Night Stand

Brit?

Brit, it's me

It's me

I can't raise my voice

Because

BECAUSE

Remember the guy I--yeah, from last night--Yeah

Um...he's...here...

Yeah, well
Apparently
When I was...not quite...sober...last night
I made the decision to bring him home
And somebody

Somebody meaning you

Neglected to tell me
That it would be SNOWING today

Now his car is in my driveway
And my driveway has four feet of snow in front of it
And even if I could shovel him out of the driveway
Which is, believe me, a thought I've entertained
It wouldn't matter
Because my entire street
Is a giant ice rink

Brit, I am not kidding
There are small children
Skating in front of my mailbox
As we speak

What am I supposed to do?

HOW am I going to kick him out, Brit?
It's not like I have a team of Alaskan sled dogs he can borrow!

This is why I can't have a one night stand
This is God punishing me for being trashy

He is smiting the Earth with snow
To punish me
For bringing a guy home
Who told me this morning
That sometimes he likes to eat pancake batter
Rather than actually MAKE pancakes

I have brought home
A moron
And I have fornicated with him
And now he can't leave

He's in my backyard right now
Writing his name in the snow

Brit, I have put my tongue in that man's mouth

What was I THINKING?
Why didn't you STOP me?

What?

Where are you?

His roommate?

He had a roommate?

So you're at his place?

What's it like there?

Smells like what?

Does he have ferrets?

In the LIVING ROOM?

Huh

Wow

So you're really in a...Wow

And there's no shower?

Oof

You know what?

I think I'm okay

I'll just lock him in the bathroom
Until the snow melts

Good luck, Brit

Stay strong

Now if you'll excuse me
I have to get back to my house guest

I think I hear him downstairs
Making pancake batter for breakfast

Bye bye