Fifty-seven apologies ago
I was still sort of sure
I wanted to be here right now
I was fairly confident
That I would sit here all night
And wait for you to forgive me
Oddly enough
I am now at the fifty-eighth apology
And to be honest, this is it
This is the last one you're getting
And I'm only saying that
Because I get the feeling
That you're willing to forgive me
You're just not sure when to forgive me
Well, here's the thing
If you're going to forgive me
Why not just do it?
Why wait around to see what number I'm willing to hit
Or how eloquent my atonement can be?
Why not just grant me your golden forgiveness
So that we can actually begin to work on fixing this already?
Because we're gaining nothing right now
We're going nowhere
We're breaking down
I can feel us
Breaking down
What is it you're trying to prove?
Fuck
What am I trying to prove?
The truth is...
I want your forgiveness
But I don't really want...you
I mean, I don't want you back
I want to end this with respectability
And a nice sense of closure
But if you're not willing to give me that
Well, I'm still going to leave
I did what I did
And I'm owning that
And there's no exception there
I'm not going to say 'but you know'
I'm just sorry
And if that sorry
If that first sorry
Wasn't good enough for you
Then why would the fifty-eighth sorry be?
Clearly you have a number in your head
So why don't you just tell me what it is
So that maybe we can negotiate it down
So neither of us has to stay up all night
Trying to look right at this thing
And act like we don't see it
I'm sorry
I'm really tired
I fucked up
I'm not always a good person
I hate myself sometimes
I didn't mean to hurt you--and I mean that
...And I don't love you anymore
That's it isn't it?
That's why you won't accept what I'm saying
Because all this time
I've been apologizing for the wrong thing
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