Little Larry in the Snow

George?

George!

He's gone!

Larry!

He's gone!

I let him out to go do his special business
And now he's gone

I don't know what I was thinking

I thought he would go underneath the porch
But instead he went running
Right into the snow!

He's a dachshund, George
The snow banks in front of our house
Are five feet high

You do the math!

I knew I should have put that little bell on him
Then at least I'd be able to hear him

George, you need to come home
We need to organize a rescue mission

I'm going to stand outside with my hair dryer
And see if I can clear a path to the first bank I saw him run into

George, we are RUNNING OUT OF TIME!

He is not a Saint Bernard, George
He's not built for this sort of thing

No, I do not think he was trying to take his own life!

Why would he want to do that?

We're only a few weeks away from Christmas
And I had just unpacked his holiday sweaters

What more could a dog ask for in life?

Why as soon as he saw his little plaid scarf
He got so excited
He had to run outside to pee
And that's when he went into the--

Never mind, George

It doesn't matter

Are you coming home or not?

Well, fine, George
That's fine

I wasn't aware that I was a single parent
But since I am, I suppose I should just get used to it
And learn to fend for myself where the child-rearing is concerned

Now if you'll excuse me
I have to get my hair dryer
And see if I can find my little Larry
Before he freezes to death
In that tundra out there!

If you come home and I'm not here
Go ahead and assume that I perished out there in our front yard
Probably next to my assorted gnome statues
And know that I died
Trying to save my hot dog

Good-bye George

Larry, Mama's coming...