Okay, it is freezing in here
It is--Dude, I just sneezed
And my nipple fell off
I'm not even kidding
I have no nipple
It's time to start a fire
Seriously, I can't take this
We have a fireplace
We have a chimney
We have matches
Let's light some shit up
Well, if ONE of us had paid the heating bill
We wouldn't be in this situation
It is ten degrees outside
There's four feet of snow
And the only thing that's separating us from the elements
Are poorly insulated walls
And the Phish posters on them
Now obviously we can't burn the Phish posters
We're not barbarians after all
But there are the photos of our families
I mean, we don't PHOTOS of them
It's not like we don't see them once or twice a year
At holidays
You know, when they invite us
We could burn the books
No, DUDE, not my Sports Illustrated Swimsuit editions
I was talking about BOOKS
Don't go burning stuff with value!
What about that giant log we bought
The time we got stoned
And went to Cabin Land?
Yeah, you're right
Too many memories
Well, we got tons of forks
And we don't really need forks
I mean, anything you can eat with a fork
You can eat with a spoon
A fork is just a pointy spoon
Yeah, let's burn the forks
Okay, what else?
Dude, do you still sleep in your bed?
Really?
Because I've never seen you actually IN your bed
You're always in that chair
Can't you just sleep in the chair?
C'mon, Dude
I'm freezing here!
Make a sacrifice!
I would burn my bed
But I'm going to meet that girl from Facebook any day now
And you can't have sex with a girl in the shower
On a first date
Ugh, fine
Well, that's about all we have
The only other thing in the apartment
Is my stack of newspapers
But I need those to line my iguana cage
Man, are you serious?
We can't burn my iguana!
Look, just grab the forks
And throw them in the middle of the room
I'll get the matches
Ohhh right
What am I thinking?
We're in an apartment
We can't just light a fire
Man, we're stupid sometimes
I'll open the windows
THEN get the matches
Wow, that was a close one
No comments:
Post a Comment