What I Would Do for a Klondike Bar

Hey Mitch, you see that guy over there?

I would kill him
For a Klondike Bar

Yup, I would

I would do that

But I would not scale a mountain

No fucking way

You die on mountains

That's what happens on mountains
You die, and mountain goats eat your fucking nose

Everybody knows that

But I do want a fucking Klondike Bar
Like real bad

Like I gotta have it, man

I'd sell my fucking sister for a Klondike Bar right now

Nah, I wouldn't sell her to anyone mean
Maybe just a blind guy
Who needs somebody to read to him
Something like that, you know?

Nothing crazy

Jesus, dude
Are you hot?

I'm fucking hot

I need a fucking Klondike Bar bad man
I need something to cool me down

If I go kill that guy
Will you get me a Klondike Bar?

Don't fuck with me, man
I'm asking you a real question here

What if I told you the meaning of life?
Would you do it then?

How the fuck do you know whether or not I know the meaning of life?
You don't know

I could fucking know it

You didn't even know about the fucking mountain goats
I could have just saved your life, man

Hey, do you want to buy my sister?

She'll read to you
Turn the pages and everything

Dude, I'm fucking dying here

You gotta help me out, okay?

I just need one bar
Not even a whole bar
Just a half a bar

Come on, man
Just get me one bar

I'll fuck that guy up, dude

You were looking at him like you don't like him
I can take care of him for you

What?

What do you mean he's a fucking barber pole?

Jesus, I was wondering why that asshole was dressed like Where's Waldo

Well...I'll fuck him up anyway!

Just for a Klondike Bar, man

I'll give you everything I own
That I haven't already sold
To pay for my Klondikes

Forget my sister, bro
I'll read to you
I'll read you whatever you want

Just please, man
Please!

You don't even know, dude

You don't even know
What I would do
For a Klondike Bar