The Storm Windows

Crystal Anne?

How are you, honey?

It's Mom

Oh nothing much

We went to Red Lobster
Stopped by Ant Joanie's
And it's fourteen degrees inside the house

Well, you know how your father didn't feel like putting up the storm windows yesterday
Even though they predicted it was going to get cold?

Oh, I didn't tell you that
Well, that's what happened

He went on saying--'Linda, it is NOT going to suddenly get cold. It is still nice and warm outside.'

Well, I know this may stop your heart, Crystal Anne
But your father
For the first time in, gosh, I don't know
Minutes?

Was WRONG

And now there's no storm windows
And he's down there in the basement
Looking at the furnace
Like it's a math problem
He doesn't quite understand

DUANE! MY BREATH JUST FROZE IN FRONT OF ME!
MY OWN BREATH HAS TAKEN ON THE QUALITIES OF A SOLID!

Oh, he's just grumbling and swearing
And talking about moving us to Miami
Even though he's terrified of Gloria Estefan

IS THE RHYTHM GOING TO GET YOU, DUANE?

Oh! I just heard him jump!

That's alright, though

He should be jumping

I'm jumping just to try and keep my blood circulating

Crystal Anne, the next time you come to visit
You may find two ice sculptures instead of parents

If you want to know which one I am
I'll be the one strangling the other ice sculpture

The ice sculpture with no brain inside its translucent head
That'll be your father

Oh, I know he means well, Crystal Anne

But just so we're clear

If you ever have the choice
Between a man who means well
And a guy who actually puts on the storm windows
When you ask him too

Pick the second guy

Otherwise you wind up with good intentions
Holding your own breath in your hand
Like a gosh darn snow globe
Wondering when the next time is
You're going to feel warm