The Yoga Instructor Next Door

Dave?

Dave, it's Rich

I need you to bring your plow over to my house

Yeah, it's an emergency!

Dude, the girl next door?

The yoga instructor?

She just sent me a message on Facebook

Listen to this--

"Snowed in. Why don't you come visit? Smiley face."

No, she put a smiley face
She didn't write 'smiley face'

Dude, she wants me to COME OVER
During a SNOWSTORM

She wants it

I gotta get over there, man

Well, I can't just WALK over
There's five feet of snow
Between my house and hers

A shovel?

No, man

I don't want to look too eager

I tried digging my way to her house with a spatula
But I didn't even get off the front step

You gotta come over here and plow between our yards

Dude, don't talk to me about what's impossible

There is a horny yoga instructor
Sitting in her living room
Probably doing the salty pretzel
Waiting for me to come dip her in mustard
And I am within one hundred feet of her

NOTHING is impossible

That's not gross!
Why is that gross?
The mustard or the salty pretzel?
THAT'S NOT GROSS!

You're gross!

And you owe me!

Remember that time Reggie dared you to snort chili powder
And you started sneezing out your own saliva?

Who got the whole thing on video
So you could post it on Youtube later?

That's right, bitch

That's right

So get that plow over here
That girl is right next door to me
And I can practically--

No, I can't ask her to WAIT!

WAIT?

Dude, I don't know who else she's talking to on Facebook!

Dude, for all I know
There's an Eskimo burrowing his way
Into her living room right now

That's like asking a lunar eclipse to wait for you
Until you can go buy a camera

You can't ask miracles to WAIT!

DUDE, JUST COME PLOW ME!

WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

UGH, I HATE YOU!

. . . . .

Wait a minute
She just changed her Facebook status

She's, uh, looking for someone to come watch a movie
With her...and her roommate

A gymnastics coach...

Still want to go plow out that hospital?

Didn't think so