Robbie Wants a Snow Day

Okay, look

My paper is due in three hours
And that weatherman royally screwed me over

'Three feet of snow! Doubt you'll have school tomorrow!'

Yeah, that must be why it's five am
And I'm getting sunburned
You fuckin' assmunchin' weather dick

So NOW I got a new plan
And here it is--

We gotta make the superintendent think it's snowing out

Brody, I bought every bag of cotton balls I could find at the CVS
Start throwing them all over his yard
Make it look covered
Not just like 'ohhhh a little snow' but like 'fuck it looks like my yard's covered in cotton balls there's so much snow out there!'

Make a little cottonball snowman if you can, all right?

Tony, I cut up some toilet paper into little squares
Go up the ladder near his roof
And wait until you hear his alarm go off
Then start dumping the bucket in front of his window

That way he'll be like 'Fuck my hard's already covered and now I got fuckin' snow coming down in front of me like it's raining fucking toilet paper! Holy shit!'

Then the big finale

Marie, put on this ghost costume
And crawl in through is bathroom window

When he goes into the bathroom to piss
If he's still thinking about having school that day
I want you to jump out of the shower at him yellin--

'You better cancel school today, you fuckin' creep! I'm the ghost of your fuckin' mother and I'll eat your fuckin' nose if you don't cancel school!'

If you all do your job and he cancels school
I'll give each of you twenty bucks

What do you mean wouldn't it have been easier to just write the paper?

What are you a mathematician figuring out my odds like that?

I don't like writing papers, okay?
I like cutting up toilet paper more than I like writing papers
So that's what I did

Now you can either help me and make a quick twenty
Or we can all sit out here and debate my life choices

What's it going to be?

That's what I thought

Now somebody go turn on the radio

I want to hear that fuckin' weatherman tell me it's snowing
Outside the superintendent's house