This Is How We Do It Here

Did I just see what I think I just saw?

Did you just frost that cupcake
While holding the pastry bag
AWAY from the cupcake top surface?

No, John, no
I am NOT going to shut up about this

This is a big fucking deal

Hey asshole

I don't know what kinda shithole bakery
You've been shaking asscakes at
But around here
We do things a certain way

The right fucking way

And if you want to bake here
That's the way you do it too

I mean, Jesus Christ man
Holding the bag AWAY from the cupcake

Why don't you just find my mother
And slap her across the face?

I'm pretty sure that would be less of an insult

Who the hell taught you to frost cupcakes?

Hitler?

Did Hitler tell you to hold the bag away from the cupcake?

Shut the fuck up, John, okay?
Just shut the fuck up

You make muffins, okay?
So I don't need you chiming in
While I'm trying to explain to this asshole
Why him holding the bag AWAY from the cupcake surface
Is the equivalent to spitting into the open mouth
Of a hungry orphan

Stick to your fucking muffins, John
And when I want to know what a finger dipped in armpit sweat tastes like
I'll be sure and consult you

Now look, shit-tits
From now on, you hold the bag up against the muffin top like this
And you control that fucker while you pull away
So that you get a nice, plump frosting
That ends in a delicious, pointy tip

Not like the tip of John's cock
Which resembles the face of a ninety-year old man
Which is why we only let him make fucking muffins

This is how we do it here
This is how it's done
This is how you're going to do it

Unless you want to make donuts
On a street corner somewhere
While some homeless guy pisses on you

Do you understand me, shit-tits?

Fantastic

Now frost that fucking cupcake
And this time--

Do it right