They Kill Pigs on Wednesday

Martin, would you relax?

Seriously, I'm getting annoyed

I told you, we have two days

They kill pigs on Wednesday
Not Monday, Martin
Wednesday

That means we have TWO DAYS to lose enough weight
So that it won't be worth killing us

Do you know how much weight you can lose in two days?

A ton, Martin
A ton

Bessie stopped eating for two days
And they put her in the petting zoo

She's going to get fed by third graders on field trips
Until the day she dies

And that's what's going to happen to us, Martin

Dude, would you chill?

You're going to make the farmer think you're rabid
And then you won't have to worry about being eaten
Because you're going to get shot instead

You have to stay calm
You can't just run around squealing like a moron

What the hell did you spend all day yesterday doing?

What the hell is the spider going to do for you?

Well that explains why she wrote 'Dumbass Pig' in her web

Maybe you should have thought about that a little more, Einstein

Shit, here comes the farmer

Relax, RELAX, okay?

Laugh like I just said something funny

Hahaha--that goat! What is he THINKING? Hahaha...oh man...

Okay, he's gone

Spit that orange rind out
Are you crazy?

Do you know how many calories are in that?

Wash your mouth out with that chicken lard

Jesus, they're going to have you on the dinner table by Thursday
If you don't start listening to me

Make sure to stand to the side
That way you look slimmer

Dude, my sister told me about this
And she was on the cover of Farmer's Monthly
Now stand to the side

I don't know which side! It doesn't matter!

Here comes the farmer!

...That wild chicken! Wait until those eggs hatch! Hahaha...

He's onto us

We might have to make a break for it

I'll set the stable on fire
And when he comes running into the barnyard
Go for his ankles and bite until you taste pumpkin

That's what humans taste like

I'm heading for the stable

I'll see you on the other side
One way or another