Ask Me

You're wondering who I am?

Are you going to ask my name?
Do you feel you have a right to know my name?
Does it matter what my name is?

I don't think it does.

Is that chair comfortable?
It doesn't look comfortable
But maybe I'm wrong
Is it?

Do you feel you can be honest
About whether or not it's comfortable?
Do you feel you can be honest?

It's very important
That we're honest with each other

That's why I'm going to ask you some questions
But not many, only a few

You're going to ask most of the questions
You're going to ask me
Ask me anything you want

I know you must be familiar with this set-up
Over the past year we've had the top interrogators
From all parts of the world
Come in here and try to get information from you

All kinds of people
Asking you questions
And nothing to show for it

So they brought me in
To have you ask me things

That's my approach

Obviously
Getting you to just offer up information
Even under duress
Isn't something that can be accomplished

I'd love to say that I'm the man
Who can come in here
Crack some heads
Basically, yours
And get what we need
What this department needs
And go home

But I'm pragmatic
I don't look at a mountain
That nobody's scaled
And say 'I'll be the one to scale it'

I look at that mountain
And I imagine

Dynamiting

Right through it

So

Let's begin
Let's see what I know
Shall we?

Because it's all about knowing
It's all about what I know
And what you know
And what I want to know about you
And now, in a new twist
What you want to know about me

Ask me...

If I know what you ate for breakfast that morning last April

Well, I do
I do, in fact
I know

Two eggs, runny
Toast, dipped in the eggs
Glass of water

Water for breakfast
You must really be a health nut
Except for the candy
In your desk at work

A candy drawer
Not unusual

Hm?

How do I know that?
About the breakfast?

Should I tell you how I know?
Because that's an option
Not to tell you
What you want to know

You've been exercising that option
With all of our finest questioners
Perhaps you should get a dose
Of your own medicine

Hahaha...

No, it's all right

I know because, apparently
You ate the same breakfast everyday
Before you came to us

I know that because I go to the source
The person who makes a man's breakfast
The person who knows the little things
Can sometimes know the big things

So I went to your wife

Now, that's not anything unusual
The other interrogators went to her
And went a tad rough with her
But you'll be happy to know
That I wasn't

Because when they were rough with her
Because when they asked her big questions
They didn't get anywhere
So why would I keep beating on the dead horse?
Do you see what I'm saying?

All I did was have her ask me questions
And she did
And somehow in those questions
I learned things

I learned little things
I learned big things
I learned all kinds of things

I learned what you ate for breakfast everyday
I learned how you liked your shirts ironed
I learned where you get your oil changed
I learned all sorts of things

Just by being asked
About everything else
Isn't that interesting

Everybody likes to be the interviewer
It's fun for people
Soon they forget what they're asking
And that's when they give you answers

And your wife was so happy
Not to have to be yelled at
Or physically assaulted

She was so relieved
To see that I wasn't going to do that
And to just ask me things
About you

Were you getting your meals everyday?
Did we know you liked your eggs runny?
Could we allow you to have candy?

So sweet
She's just so sweet
Much sweeter than your daughter
I have to say

So

Do you want to know
What I ate for breakfast?

It's too bad you can't ask your daughter
She had breakfast with me

She wasn't very helpful
But then again, I didn't need her to be
When you need answers
Helpful is necessary

When you want questions
Helpful--it's lovely when you get it
But when you don't
Eh--It's all right

I won't say it doesn't irritate me
But I find a way to move on

Dynamite, remember?
Dynamite

So ask me some questions
I've been talking much too much
You should be getting to know me

Finding out what I know
And what I don't know
And what it is
You think you can ask

And the answer is--anything

Ask me anything you like
Because there's nothing I won't answer

You see,that's the benefit
Of having nothing to hide