He Doesn't Want a Woman

He wants a puppy
Who sits at his knees
And begs for treats
And pees on the rug
And bugs him all the time

He wants unconditional love
Above and beyond what should be asked
Tasks not presented to him, but requested of him
Of which he can deny or accept
And not be rejected for failing at them

He wants a lot of things
But he doesn't want a woman

He wants reclining chairs
Long flowing hair and fake tits
Bits of knowledge stuck in useless universal frontal lobes
Globes that open to reveal beer coolers
School girl uniforms that come out during sex
And next week's game already planned with the boys

He wants sex toys
He wants noise
Always noise
Lots of noise

He wants finger lickin' chicken
But he doesn't want a woman

He wants a castle to reign over
And paper cups you don't have to wash
But when you wash, you do the wash
Cause you're the lady
Shady circumstances tossed aside
He wants to ride it out with you
Until blue wrinkles show
That out he goes looking
For a new cooking fool
With even less rules than you

He wants a slut who keeps her mouth shut
But stayed a virgin until he met her
And with no hope of getting better
In any area besides home management
He wants to pay the rent but keep the place a mess
And never confess his shortcomings
Or have going too soon be a problem for you

He wants to go first
But he doesn't want a woman

He wants a dummy
He wants a tramp
He wants a trophy
He wants a wet rag
Who might as well have
A bag over her head

He wants to feel superior
In and out of bed

So basically
He must want a puppy

Cause he sure as hell
Doesn't want
A woman