It was disgusting
Absolutely disgusting
Can you believe
That we paid money
To see the filth?
First, he comes out
In what can only be described
As a giant zebra costume
Walking on stilts
While fire-eating Czechs
Swallow flames
And sing The Bangles
Then, he came down off the stilts
And the monkeys started running across the stage
At least, we thought they were monkeys
But it turns out they were small children
There to act out that book
With the monkeys and the guy with the cap
Thennnnn, he played the oboe
And poorly, I might add
THEN, the juggling begins
He's got all these panda bears juggling
Don't ask me how he did it
But I don't think they did it willingly
Because they didn't look happy
And I know a happy panda
When I see it
THENNNN, Bernie Taupin comes out
And we knew that's who it was
Because he had a t-shirt on that said--
Well, I can't really say it
But it said something to the effect of--
'Bleep Elton John'
So we think we're getting a song
Maybe Bennie and the Jets
Maybe Your Song
Maybe Piano Man
What?
Oh, Billy Joel
Well, nevertheless
We got nothing
NOTHING
The two of them played ping pong
And Bernie won
And it was horrible
Up until this point
It had merely been a waste of time
We were irritated
But we were hoping
That at some point
This idiot named Kevin Broccoli
Would do something significant
After all, he was playing the Blue Hotel
The legendary Blue Hotel
On the very same stage
Where Garfunkel had first sung without Simon
Where Culture Club performed--sober
Where Debbie Reynolds saw Yanni
And here he was
Desecrating it
By...By...
Well
He...
Well
He performed scenes from 'Step by Step'
The 90's sitcom, made popular on the TGIF line-up
And to see him
Mocking Suzanne Somers
And Patrick Duffy like that
It was...repulsive
I'll tell you one thing
If I hadn't won free tickets on the radio
I'd never be going back
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