They Take My Photo

I have to aim my left ear
Slightly away from them
Because it's not my good ear
It flops too much

I have to make sure my collar hits the light
I have to make sure I don't drool
I have to make sure I don't pee
Which can sometimes happen

When they catch me by surprise

She didn't get dressed up today
If I were her, I would get dressed up
Everyday

I was voted 'Most Handsome'
Out of everyone's companions
That's pretty impressive
Considering George Clooney just got that new greyhound

I don't find him particularly intoxicating
But it's all a matter of opinion

I like the hot dog stand on this block
This is where they take my photo
Every time we come near the hot dog stand
The cameras flash
I don't bark at them
And I get a hot dog

It's the agreement my owner and I have
She's always so proud of me
When I don't bark too loud
And when I don't bite anyone

I've never bitten anyone
And this seems to be a point of pride for her

'He never bites'

She tells everyone
EVERYONE
That I never bite

I wish she wouldn't
A dog shouldn't be known
For not biting

It's like being known for not running
People should still think you can
Even if you don't

I don't know why they take my photo
But I wish my owner would put on make-up
She knows they're going to take my photo
The least she could do is not embarrass me

I'm not sure why they want my photo
And I'm really not sure why they want more than one photo of me
But since it seems like they do
I am determined to make as many of them good photos as I can

One time they caught me on a bad day
There was a rabbit nearby
Don't ask me how I know
Or what a rabbit would be doing in Manhattan
But I am sure that there was a rabbit...

I was a mess that day
I kept drooling at the thought of...

Well, the rabbit
It was the rabbit

That mixed with the dog in heat across the hall from us
That belongs to that designer
Who my owner insists on wearing
Even though it makes her look like vomit

I was excited
Really excited
And drooling
And a mess

And they had to take my photo
They're merciless that way

But most days I'm very presentable
Moreso than my owner
Who usually looks like
She just came from the kennel

And the lights flash
And they yell 'Over here!'
And tomorrow we'll be in the paper

This is all just life
This is what it's like
To be a Pomeranian