The media found out on a Wednesday
Nick had to spend all day on the phone
Explaining that it was not possible
For the panda to be pregnant
And yet it was
It was indeed pregnant
The panda had been examined
By several panda specialists
And it was pregnant
And it was not simply
As some had suggested
The panda trying to fake it
Just to get some attention
Deena had moved out of her house
So that she could sleep next to the panda pen
And watch Polly (the panda) around the clock
Charlie would arrive every morning
And see Deena curled up in the fetal position
While Polly tried to grab at her hair
Presumably to pull her into the panda pen
And maul her
But that wasn't what Polly wanted to do
Polly wanted to raise Deena as her own
Because clearly her parents had done a horrible job
Polly wanted her baby to have a sister
And Deena was her first choice
She thought she'd make a great foster mom
For three days she'd raised the baby hippo
That had wandered into the panda pen
Until Nick caught sight of it
Fired the hippo guy
And put the baby back where it belonged
. . . . .
Nick had ordered an ultrasound
And everybody wanted to get a look
What could be inside Polly?
It couldn't just be another panda
There were no other pandas at the zoo
'I'm telling you,' said Charlie, 'It's a Pangaroo'
'You're an idiot,' said Deena
'Charlie,' said Nick, 'Clearly Polly has not been making love to a tangerine'
These people were running a zoo
Can you believe it?
. . . . .
When the ultrasound came back
There was a shock
'It's a panda baby,' said Deena
'A fetus,' said Nick
'It's gross,' said Charlie
There was a brief silence
Where you could hear the hyena
Crying out in the distance
For Herbert
'So wait,' said Deena--
'Who's the father?'
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