Where I Found Myself

-- This isn't "I've Never Been to Me," scout's honor. --

"Where I Found Myself"

I found myself on a linoleum floor
Because I was too tired to stand
Landing on my feet seemed impossible
So I just decided to lay down
And let the ceiling fan do its thing
Fanning me and not demanding
That I be standing
To appreciate its swing

I found myself eating with boring people
Deploring myself and them
But mostly myself
For agreeing to seeing them
And listening to them drone
About how the people they're dating
Make them feel alone
And I may be a lot of things
But I own my loneliness
And it's nobody's business but mine

I found myself trying to be something I'm not
I got caught up and taught myself
To be the chameleon without any karma
And the dharma bums told me
I was too old to scold
But they didn't give up on me
Just let me go a few feet away
Until the ice melted
And mid-day I was floating

Floating, not sinking
But not swimming either
And neither my lovers nor my enemies
Knew where I was
Or what to make of me
So they baked me a cake
That said 'Glad you're still here'

But I wasn't
I wasn't there at all

I found myself laying
In bed next to you
And I knew from your heat
From the radiating human body glow
That I know where I am

And no fan could cool me off
And this man didn't want to be
Cooled off, to be chilly
To get silly again
And be the bad friend
And forget all the birthdays
And go away from himself

I found the man I want to be
In that glow, in that heat
From you next to me