Clean Your Palms

-- I loved Holly from the bullying monologue so much, I just had to do another one. --

"Clean Your Palms"

Hello Brenna

No, please
Don't get up
Finish your fingerpainting
I wouldn't want to disrupt an artist
After all

I suppose you think I'm a fool, Brenna
I suppose you think I don't know
That you stole Egan from me

And I use the term 'stole' very loosely
Because today at recess
Egan met with a rather unfortunate fate
On the rusty swingset

Have fun dating a cripple, Brenna
I hope you're full-body casts

And don't think I don't know
That this is merely another ploy
In your year-long scheme
To unseat me as the fourth grade queen

I wasn't born yesterday
I was born nine long years ago
And those years have been fruitful to me, Brenna
And you are not stealing my apricots

Oh, don't give me that innocent look
You think I made you my right-hand woman all year
Because I honestly thought you were my friend?

I keep my friends in constant fear
I remind them on a daily basis
That I know who they have crushes on
And that I've seen them eat pencil shavings
Proving that they're mentally unsound

Carrie Alejandro is my best friend
And she's got a hair-pulling fixation because of it

That's how I treat my friends

But you--oh, not you
You were always exempt
And you thought it was because you were a favorite?

Please

Someone's never read Ted Turner's autobiography

I wouldn't trust you to get wet
Standing underneath a waterfall

I've just been waiting for you to strike

At first I thought you'd do it in gym
During a dodgeball game
That was how I took out my last uprising

Louis Tebban thought he and the Fillazi brothers
Could hit me in the head hard enough
To keep me out of school for two days
Just long enough for them to take over

I took eight hits that day
And at lunch
With what I can only imagine was a concussion
I successfully convinced the lunchroom monitors
That Louis and the F-Bombs were responsible
For putting hair in Carrie's yogurt

They were suspended for a day
And when they came back
There were live snakes in their desks
Along with some used q-tips
I found in the nurse's office

Maybe that's why you avoided rebelling in gym
You saw what happened to the Tool Trio

Then I thought maybe you'd do it over Christmas Break
I thought you'd get on the phone
And start conspiring against me

That was why I switched your phone tree
With numbers of all the local crack dealers
I'm sure your answering machine was just chock full
Of interesting messages

Don't mess with a girl whose gay older brother's street name
Is Urban Flair

But now today
Today, today
Today we come the day
When you make your move

And you made a classic misstep
Today

You thought you could get to me
Through my concubine

Brenna, I don't know how your house is designed
But in my house
We don't go through the laundry room
To get to the master bed

You want my boy toy?
You can have him
You can have them all

You can have my kingdom
But you're not getting my kingdom

Today you declared war
And war you shall have

I've already spread three rumors about you

If I were you
I wouldn't scratch my head
Mention my sister
Or look at Tara the wrong way
For the remainder of the year

Otherwise you're liable to be run out of town
Faster than the music teacher
Who told me I wasn't a mezzo

Amazing, isn't it?

You cry a little
You point at a man
You mouth the word 'penis'
And suddenly you get a new music teacher

God I love being young

No, no, no, Brenna
Don't protest
There's no point

Your innocence is lost
You've been irreparably tainted
And that's something one cannot change

My only advice to you?

Fight good
Fight hard
Write out a living will

Oh, and--

Clean your palms

I want to be able to see the blood
From the fingerpaint