Java

-- The woman who cut my hair today. --

"Java"

Did you find your keys?

She can't find her keys
She is freaking out
Because she can't find her keys

Did you find them?
No?
Keep looking

I know where my keys are

Can you put your head down a little more
Thank you, sweetie

I went out and got iced coffee
Then I came back
And my keys are right there
Nobody's going to touch those keys

Did you find them?
Just calm down
Go check on your car
Make sure nobody stole it

You're Italian, aren't you?
I can tell from your hair
You got Italian hair
Bitch to work on
I'll tell you that

But I'll do my thing
You just relax
Java's got it

Car still there?
Check my purse
See if they're in there
Maybe I put 'em in there by accident

Honey, it's all right
There's no cash in that purse
And if there is
You better leave it

Go look in the purse
Just don't take my chapstick

You know my mother
Cleans rooms at the casino
And she tells me stories

I am NEVER staying there
Not interested
Not even a little

Were they in there?
Well, don't cry
Wait till this customer leaves
Then you can cry

Don't ruin my energy, girl

You don't mind that I take my time, do you?

You know, when I first started working here
They told me I had to do a haircut in twenty minutes

TWENTY MINUTES!

I told them they were joking
Whether they knew it for not

I was trained at Paul Mitchell
And you don't train at Paul Mitchell
So you can give twenty minute haircuts

That's why I belong in a salon
But you need a clientele to be in a salon
And I had one, but then I went away for a year

Oh, I wouldn't call it 'moving'
I'd call it 'incarceration'
Why not?
That's what everybody else calls it

So now I gotta--

Did you find them?

She better find them before I leave
I'm not giving her a ride home
I got things to do

There

Now that's a goddammed haircut