Our 46th Wedding Anniversary

You cheap bastard

Don't tell me it's what you get
I don't care if it's what you get
Last year you bought me a beautiful sapphire
And this year I get original poetry?

What do I get next year?

BOOKS?
BOOKS?

After forty-eight years
You plan on buying me
The latest John Grisham?

I got you that book
About what you get for which anniversary
Because it was our thirty-sixth anniversary
And I wanted bone china

If I had known
That ten years later
You'd still have that stupid book
And that I'd be getting a poem which read--

'You're so swell
I'd go to Hell
If that was where you were

You make me smile
You turn my dial
You make a winner'

That's not even good!

Well nobody said YOU had to write the poetry
You could have had a poem commissioned
That still would have been a lousy gift
But at least I could have framed it or something

What the hell am I supposed to do with this?
And why is it written on a cocktail napkin?
And why is there lipstick next to it!

What's the year after next?

OPTICAL GOODS?
WHAT THE HELL ARE OPTICAL GOODS?

Are you going to buy me sunglasses?

When's the next time I get a real gift?
Do I have to keep you alive for the next forty-six years
Until I get something worth keeping?

You are going to take this poetry
And use it for what it's good for

WIPING DOWN THE NEAREST BAR!

And after you do that
Go out
And pretend it's our 100th anniversary

I believe for that one
I get a diamond

A big one