My Unnatural Arms

Sometimes I feel like...

Like I'm not a real person
Like I'm concerned with my arms
Where my arms are going
If they look natural

I feel like I have unnatural arms

Sometimes I feel like an octopus
Isn't it funny
That humans only have two arms
But that an octopus with two arms
Would probably be put down
In the octopus community
Because it would be considered
Severely deformed?

'I'm sorry, Mrs. Octopus, but we had to lose four of the arms. He's only half a man now.'

Imagine that octopus
Walking down the street
Other octopi staring at him
Wondering what happened

'Was it a reef accident? Jesus, don't stare, Paulina.'
'Only three arms left. That's no way to live.'
'I bet he can still feel the other five arms.'

My legs are all right
I tap my feet sometimes
And sometimes I touch my elbow
Just to touch it
Just because

Then I'm like--

Why did I just touch my elbow?
Did anyone see that?
Did people just see me touch my elbow?
Are they going to think I have an elbow fetish?

Then I imagine what it would be like
To have an elbow fetish

Like, if you were just rubbing your elbows
All over people

Putting two elbows up against each other

Eating lots of elbow macaroni

Stuff like that

And the whole time
I'm still touching my elbow
It's horrible!

Plus I lick my lips too much
I'm constantly licking my lips
I look like LL Cool J
But not cool

So here I am

I've got the elbow-touching
And the lip-licking
And sometimes I do a little hip sway
Because I hear reggae music in my head
And I'm just like--

Bah bah bah--banananananana--bah BAH!

And it's weird
I know, it's really weird

But the arms bother me the most
For sure, the arms

I just don't know what to do with them