Get the Dog Off the Credenza

Ohhhh myyyyyyyy Jeeeeeesus!

Vance!

VANCE!

Vance...

VANNNNNNNNCE!

Get the dog off the credenza!

Are you insane?

Why are you just sitting there
With Mr. Miyagi off the credenza!
He already peed on the ottoman
Now you got him on the credenza!

I didn't get my lady business taken out
So that you could populate my house
With antique-ruining mixed-breed terriers!

I just caught Mrs. Peanut
Chewing on my piece of the Berlin Wall!

Why won't you talk to me?
Why won't you admit
That you're making me pay for not having children
By getting all these dogs
And pummeling my life with them?

I'm sorry I didn't tell you
That I was having the surgery
But I knew you'd try to talk me out of it
And if you did
Right now I'd have a toddler
Licking the keys of my baby grand

I'm sorry, Vance
But there are compromises in marriage

You married a strong-willed woman
Who loves antiques and canoeing

I married a man who'd make a horrible father
Yet loves children and small, incontinent animals

Compromises everywhere

But if you can't get these two demons
To stop terrorizing my house
Then you'll be forcing me to choose
Between two things I love

And I'm sorry, Vance
But if it's you or the credenza...

Well, it's a credenza

Need I say more?