The Dog Knows Where She Is

Becky, I'm not playing around here
I am NOT playing around here, Becky

WHERE is the cat?

Mer, stay out of this
This has nothing to do with you

This is between me and the dog

Sally is missing
And the dog knows where she is

Innocent?

Mer, do you mean to tell me
You've been duped too?

This dog is no innocent

Sally is the innocent one
And she's gone missing
And Becky knows where she is

Where IS she, Becky?

You think I don't know
How you felt about her?

Your envy?
Your palpable envy?
It shines in your eyes
Like a rage-filled lighthouse of hatred

What happened, huh?

When me and Mer were at work today
Did you decide that this was your big chance?

You could finally get rid of the competition?
You could finally have the whole house to yourself?
You could finally get away from those judgmental stares
That Sally gives you
Every time you chase your own tail?

You think I don't know how that feels?
You think I like judgmental stares?
You think I like my wife looking at me
Like I'm some kinda moron
Just because I put anti-freeze
Where the windshield wiper fluid goes?

Mer, stay out of this
I'm having a one-on-one with Becky!

I'm sorry that your life is so tough
But that does give you the right
To just kidnap and do away with
Another living being!

You think I wouldn't like to just toss all my problems in a river
Wrapped up in one of those heavy-duty garbage bags
That we have in the garage?

You think I'm scared I wouldn't get away with it?
Because I'm not
I'm not scared
That has nothing to do with--

Mer, PLEASE
Can you JUST give me a minute here?

I live with the judgment and the nagging
And the pestering and the bickering
Because I HAVE to

Because that's how life is

And if I have to do it
By God, Becky
So do you

So I'm going to ask you one more time

WHERE--IS--THE--

Oh...

I guess she must have been hiding under the couch
The whole time

Well...phew, huh?

Good thing I didn't go get those jumper cables
Or this coulda got ugly

Ha ha ha ha

...Ha ha...

Ha

You know, Mer

Call me crazy

But I think we're ready for another pet